Choose your pain.

Photo by Pavan Trikutam on Unsplash

How often has someone in your life not treated you the way that you should be treated and you have allowed it by not speaking up for yourself or speaking your truth? Or perhaps you get walked all over by people because you have really loose or non-existent boundaries.

There are many reasons why you do this, most of them grounded in fear and unworthiness. You may have learnt to keep the peace and not rock the boat, so you stay quiet.

I often hear from people that they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings by standing up for themselves. You don’t know how the other person will react, that they won’t like it if you call out crappy behaviour, stand up for yourself or set boundaries.

You want the other person to like you and for you to feel like you fit in, so you enable the behaviour by saying nothing.  You make excuses for another’s behaviour because deep down you think that you don’t deserve better.

So you make the decision, you choose to stay quiet, even though you may be angry or upset at another’s behaviour and are really sick of these circumstances constantly showing up for you and how you are being treated.

You often have to choose your pain in these situations.

What do I mean by choose your pain?

You have to choose which pain you can live with in this situation. When you can be ok with your choices and the pain you choose, you take back your power.

If you say nothing, enabling the behaviour, then this will often lead to anger, resentment and often dreading seeing the person or the same thing happening with multiple people.  This can affect your self-worth and self-esteem and you may feel a sense of being a victim, as you are giving your power away to someone else and allowing them to dictate to you what happens in your own life.

Can you live with that anger and resentment?

Is it ok for you to say nothing?

If you say something, you don’t know what the person will say or how they will react, which can lead to feeling uncomfortable because of the unknown. You will set your boundaries and communicate this and the person will know where you stand, but you cannot control how the other person will receive this or if they will be happy with your choices.

Saying something will lead to feelings of empowerment, self-confidence and self-esteem even though at first you will feel uncomfortable, especially if you are not used to communicating in this way.

Are you ok with feeling uncomfortable speaking your truth?

Often by saying something you will have short term pain as the other person adjusts to your boundaries, but you will have long term gains as you communicate where you stand and what you are and are not willing to tolerate.

We also have to stop worrying about the other person and how they will feel. You cannot pave the way for another, especially out of fear. If you are communicating your truth from the heart and with integrity, and the other person does not appreciate that or agree with you, then that is on them, not you.

This is ok.

This type of communication can make us feel really vulnerable and it does take practice, but with that vulnerability comes courage, strength and your ability to thrive in your life and stand in your power.

Most of us will do anything to not feel uncomfortable, but it is through our discomfort that we learn the most. Your choices have a huge impact on your life. So whether you choose to stay quiet or choose to say something, know that your choices will cause some level of pain and will have an impact on your life and your future.

You deserve so much and it is time to remember how magnificent you truly are.

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