Lessons learnt behind closed doors.

Before the hard lockdown, in between the lockdowns, here in Melbourne, I had a kinesiology session. I always walk my talk and I had some stuff come up around friendships and my feelings around that.  During this session I had to look at some beliefs around living my life and what that means to me, who I want in it, how I want to be treated, what I want to do etc.  

It came up during the session that for me, I was more afraid of not being able to live my life on my terms then death.

So the loom of a hard lockdown did not go down well.

It literally felt like dying.

This session helped so much, both in how I managed lockdown and clarity around what freedom meant to me and my life.

One of the things I identified and actioned to help me move forward was how I wanted to feel each day. By tuning into my inner guidance, asking myself the question and doing what my inner wisdom told me to do, I took back my power. I was fully responsible for what my day looked and felt like, what I was being, and doing. It felt so much better than being a victim to outside circumstances.

You see I get to decide how I want to feel each day, so How did I want to go about me day.   

Freedom comes from within me, and not be any government or media outlet.

Most days it was to bring joy, to feel light and free and allow the sunshine or the light in each day.

I asked my inner guidance how I could bring in the joy each day.

What did that look like?

It varied each day and sometimes moment to moment. Here are some of the things that I did and have continued to do.

Reading a book on my front step in the sunshine and seeing and connecting with people walking past.

A coffee purchased from a local coffee shop made by lovely people.

Certain foods for lunch.

Doing a jigsaw puzzle.

Knitting a few squares of my scrapping blanket.

Ringing or catching up with friends on zoom.

Colouring in.

Listening to something on Youtube, playing my favourite music or song or watching a movie.

Going for a walk.

Journaling.

Meditating.

Having a bath.

It was surprising how simple some of those things were that gave me so much joy.

One of the best lessons I have learnt coming out the other end of lockdown is that identifying how my attitude and perspective around everything is where my power lies. I can choose in any given moment, how I want to feel, what something means to me and changing my view on that thing if I need or choose to. It means allowing myself to be in my power to be me fully and unapologetically. I can make something mean something or nothing.

It felt so freeing.

That by being me and shining my light brightly out into the world, whatever I am doing, is the most important thing for me to do.

Not water myself down.

Not censoring myself.

Not making myself less than the bloody amazing human being that I am.

Not allowing shitty stories and thoughts dictate who I am and how I interact with people.

Being the shiniest version of me I can be.

Do you know what gives you joy or things you can do to help you feel the way you want to feel?

What a fantastic education this life is and in particular 2020.

What a time to be alive.

Always remember.

You truly are magnificent.

Anger and Grief

Many I have spoken to are feeling a combination of anger and grief.

Anger at the injustice of the virus and the changes forced upon us.

Anger at the poor communication and leadership at the head of our country.

Anger at the messages that the economy is more important than human lives.

Anger at some people not being responsible and putting others in danger and the disregard for our fellow human beings.

Anger at the loss of businesses, jobs, salary and wages and security.

So much anger.

Then along comes grief.

Grief around the changes forced upon us.

Grief at the realisation of how much of an illusion we were under.

Grief on being isolated and away from friends and family.

Grief for a loss of routine and the way we were living.

Grief at the loss of our perceived safety and security.

Grief of not knowing what is next.

These type of feeling and emotions are the ones that we usually try really hard not to engage in. 

They are so uncomfortable.

Now we are being forced to slow down and to start listening and processing these emotions.

This is not a bad thing, even though it may feel really terrible at the moment.

We are feeling angry because we feel out of control and frustrated.

We are feeling grief to release what we no longer need.

Whatever you are feeling is ok. It is going to change throughout the day. Allow and accept how you are feeling.

It is in the resistance that we start to suffer.

If you need to cry, cry.

If you need to yell, then yell into a pillow.

If you need to vent, then vent.

If you need to move your body, move your body.

If you need to sit with it, then sit.

We are being asked to self soothe and not many people know how to do this, so start by being kind to yourself.

When you are ready, some self-reflection is a great way to move through the emotions and to gain wisdom.

Anger is an opportunity. Anger means that you are not understanding something.

Look at where and what you are angry about and see if there is an opportunity.

What are you not understanding?

Could you do something like write to your local MP, start a side business that you have been dreaming about for years, reach out and help a neighbour?

Grief needs to be processed by you alone and at your own time.

Some self-reflection questions for this could be

What am I needing or ready to let go of?

What is the lesson here for me?

The quicker we can move to acceptance, the quicker we can end our own suffering and be able to move forward in a calmer and more relaxed manner.

As always remember,

You truly are magnificent.

Trust

Trust has been a theme in clinic over the last few weeks and we have had lots of discussions around what trust means and feels like.

I have often heard from clients that they have trust issues and it is something that I used to say too. 

Trust is something that needs to be built.

This is why when it is broken it can be so devastating. It takes time.

Trust is something that we feel and build within.

I heard a great analogy of trust used recently. You wouldn’t step out onto a bridge that is made of a twig. You can tell by looking at it that it will not hold you.  So you build that bridge up with larger logs and maybe some planks of wood or other materials to make it strong, until you look at it and it feels right. You then step up and you make the first step, testing it first, then adding more pressure until you can step fully onto it. You build trust in the bridge until you don’t even have to think about it, you know it feels right.

If you had stepped out onto that twig in the first place, even though your intuition was saying no, and you feel off and hurt yourself, how can you say that you have trust issues?

And yet this is what so many of us do.

Most of our trust issues are actually our lack of trust of ourselves. This then flows onto lacking trust in our relationships and the universe.

We can build trust within.

Do you check in to your own wisdom or do you go externally for your answers?

Even when other people are saying that you should be doing something that would be good for you, if you know in your gut and in your heart that it is not for you, then walk away, say No and own your decision.

You don’t need to know why, you only have to trust it.

You do not have to justify yourself and your decisions.

It is no one else’s business but your own.

I have listened to other people in the past, rather than my own intuition. I defaulted to their advice rather than listening to my own intuition, because they know better, right?

Or I didn’t listen to my intuition, because my logical brain was saying this is a great opportunity and other people are doing it, so it must be good for me too. 

I followed my logic, which is often linked to my fear programs instead of my intuition. 

It didn’t end well. 

I then got angry for not trusting myself and backing those feelings.

What a great lesson to have though!

Now that I know better, I honour my intuition and follow it.  I challenge my fear and insecurities and don’t let them dictate my decisions, or hide behind logic.  I have built trust within myself, so that now I know that I can trust the universe and those around me, because my intuition is going to let me know when something is wrong and I will follow it.

I trust myself and I trust the universe completely.

It is OK to go against others opinions. It is OK to do things your way, even when nobody else understands it.

You may not even understand it at the time, and that it ok too!

It is a must to trust those feelings, as that is how trust is built.

It is your life and you get to choose how you live it.

Is it time to trust yourself? 

You are truly magnificent.

Changes and the EGO

When we make any changes we are going into uncharted territory.

For some this shift will mean a feeling of relief and excitement.  For others, this will mean an increase in anxiety. 

Your fear response kicks in and you start to question if making a change is such a good idea.

Why the different responses?

We are unique so your response is also going to be unique, but generally if someone has had a negative response then the EGO has come into play. 

Our EGO’s are amazing with the crap that they can come up with to keep you safe.

Your dysfunction, even though it may be terrible, can be like an old friend.

You know it so well.

Your EGO can keep you safe in that space even if you are miserable.

When you consciously decide to make some changes, the EGO doesn’t always like it, because it has been the boss for a long time and will do anything to not feel discomfort that the changes you consciously choose to make could bring.

Your EGO doesn’t know what will happen next and that scares it.

Here is the thing.

Anything new will cause a nervous or anxious response in the body.

This is normal!

This response helps us to be present, aware and ready to take action.  

Your body does not know the difference between anxiety and excitement.  It is the conscious mind that gives the label of negative or positive to the subconscious mind.

This means that if you are making changes or doing something new you can choose to be excited about it.

You can make the change easier for you by connecting to your why. 

Why are you making these changes? 

How are they going to benefit you in the long run? 

This will also help the EGO feel safe, as it then has a point of reference rather than looking into the scary abyss of not knowing.

You can always tell if you are sitting in your EGO or not by how it feels. EGO constricts, controls, feels like you are being pushed and is coming from a place of fear.  Not in EGO or being in the love state is expansive, flows, and feels like you are being pulled along and you are coming from a place of love.

Change is a constant in your life, and the less you resist it, the easier it is for you.

If you need support in making changes in your life, or needing clarity hit the book now button to book in a session.   

Always remember.

You truly are magnificent.

Sometimes a whisper is more powerful than a roar.

On the weekend I was getting a bit ranty and frustrated with the universe and voicing this to a friend of mine.  She asked me if on some level I needed to get all angry and ranty, to know that the universe is listening.

What a great question.

We moved onto other things but, this question stayed with me and I journaled about it today.

I realised that I feel powerful using my voice, so when I feel that things aren’t flowing like I want them to, if I feel insecure or afraid, that if I get ranty, then I get to feel powerful.

I am in control.

I am brave.

I am powerful.

I am doing something.

But this is an illusion.

I realised today that silence and being is just as powerful.

The more I am in my centre, the more I am me, the more I surrender and trust, the more powerful I am.

Using my voice is of course important, but so is being silent and sitting in the space of my magnificent being, even if that sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable.

Knowing and trusting that the universe hears my whispers, my silent prayers and dreams even clearer than when I am all demanding and ranty.

Maybe my power is not only in the words I use, but the space I hold, my vulnerability and my energy.

By being me.

That my true power is in the quiet when I can hear the whispers of the universe, reminding me how loved and supported I truly am.

You truly are magnificent.

Perception of failure and quitting.

I’m no quitter

Failure isn’t an option.

I hate to fail.

Quitting is for the weak.

Bullshit!

Our fear of failure and perception of quitting often means we stay in shit situations, crap relationships and friendships, jobs etc for far too long that is healthy for us. Our EGO state says that if we leave or quit then we are a failure or have failed. So instead of moving on, we stay the same because of this false belief from our EGO that to stay is safer, to keep going despite all the signs saying it isn’t working is better than trying something new, that what is known is safer than the unknown.

This is not always a healthy belief to have and keeps us small and imprisoned in the illusion of fear.  The most successful people have failed more times than most have even attempted, and they walk away when it no longer feels right.

There are times to stay and there are times to quit. This is where we need to challenge if this is our EGO state, a belief and fear that is keeping us in situations.

What am I afraid of?

Am I afraid to move on?

Do I fear failure?

Do I fear judgement from myself and others?

Do I believe that I don’t deserve anything better?

Let me say here that I get it.  I stayed in a relationship that I knew very early on wasn’t right for me, with a man who cheated because I was scared.

Scared that people would judge me a loser for it not working.

Scared people would think I was a quitter.

Scared that I was a failure.

Such bullshit!

When I did leave nobody thought that of me, and if they did, it was none of my business. Looking back now I am really grateful for that relationship as it changed me and challenged many beliefs I had and made me adjust the path I was on, onto the path that felt far better for me. 

I was no longer in energetic alignment to that relationship.  It was the best decision to move away from it. It meant that I gave myself permission to say yes to me, and to learn discernment and to follow my intuition and leave other friendships and situations that were no longer in alignment for me.

I no longer see failure as a bad thing. 

It is an opportunity to learn, to grow and to readjust your course.

It is an opportunity to invite something better into your life, something that is more in alignment to your energy and what you are needing.

It is an opportunity to follow what lights you up, what feels good.

It is an opportunity to say yes to you.

You truly are magnificent.

Winter Solstice

As we head into the darkness of the shortest day and longest night of winter and winter solstice, many people at the moment are feeling a disconnection from themselves and the world around them, as they resist turning in to that darkness within.

Many are feeling or living like they are an island, separate and in pain mentally and emotionally. This disconnection was either forced upon them through changes from the universe outside of their control or a choice to disconnect out of fear using the excuse of protecting themselves.

This disconnection can show itself in the form of anxiety or heightened states of stress within your body and nervous system, your inner critic is roaring within your head or feeling numb and not engaged with life.

The reason for this feeling of isolation is for you to reconnect at a higher frequency to your own truth and wisdom and for you to decide how you want to live your life moving forward. It is time to go into your darkness and be.

If you have been forced to change, then know that the way you had been living (acting, being) was not for your highest good.

It is a redirection to get back in your own and proper lane, to reconnect to our inner wisdom and soul truths.  

We all have a unique blueprint on how we live, our values, why we do things, our personalities, our gifts, our bodies and what and how we love and live life. Many have stepped away from that blueprint, putting others views and judgments ahead of their own, dishonouring their unique expression and not living their authentic life. There is a realigning and a dropping away of what is not good for us to live this blueprint fully.

When we are living our life according to our programming or what is expected of us, to please others, to be liked or to fit in, not honouring our own truth and our own being, the anxiety grows, the self-doubt grows, self-hatred increases and our ability to feel any positive emotions diminishes.   

The more we step away from our true connection, the greater the gap between our unique and authentic self and trying to be something or someone we are not, the more pain we will feel.

The anxiety is showing you that you are off course.

It is time to stop comparing ourselves to others, stop trying to fit into something that actually doesn’t exist, believe we are in competition with everyone around us and instead be ourselves fully, allow others to be who they are, to have compassion in our hearts and have the courage to not always be liked but to honour who we are and the life we want to live.

There is a call to reconnect at a much higher, pure and authentic level, to ourselves and those around us. When we are connected to ourselves, we can connect to others from a beautiful and loving space. After all we can only met people as far as we have met ourselves.

As the light stars to come back after solstice, now is important to pause, just like Mother Nature does this time of year; to celebrate what you have achieved since March Equinox and to be ready for the change in season and how you want to live for the next 6 months.

What will you create?

What are the possibilities of your life? 

This pause gives you clarity as to what you may be wanting in your future. 

Be brave and journey into your shadow, your deepest truths, of death, rebirth and renewal and the promise of spring and summer.

It is a time to remember, you truly are magnificent.

CYCLES

As we head into Winter here in Melbourne, I was reminded today about cycles.

Now there are obvious cycles that we can all see or know about, like the changes of the season (especially here in Melbourne), day and night, the moon becoming full and cycling into new and of course women’s menstrual cycles.

We also have cycles during the day where we are more energised and have less energy, where we are more receptive to learning something new and doing exercise.

During the month we have highs and lows.

Our moods often follow a cycle of feeling good and sociable (or creative, energised, inspired, productive etc) and then we have lows where we don’t want to do much, maybe are a bit grumpy, quiet, self-reflective or needing to be more internal and quiet.

Often when we are in those down cycles or moods we hate that time and feeling, because society has said that to be worthy and of value we are meant to be busy and productive all the time.

Bullshit!

What if instead of judging it, we allowed it?

Rather than resisting it, we stepped into it.

What if those down times, the winter period, the need to go internal is a great thing and is there to support us?

We are not meant to be on the go, be productive, on the high cycle all the time.

This is when people experience burn out, adrenal fatigue, anxiety, overwhelm and stress.

We need the down time for recovery, to find balance and our centre, to give the body time to get the adrenaline and stress hormones out of our bodies. This can also be a time of thinking, self-reflection and percolating new ideas, of accessing our inner wisdom to then be ready to take the steps of action on the up cycle.

Even in the depths of winter or that dark night of the soul or feeling alone, it will not last forever.

Like all things in nature, nothing stays the same and there is always change, a death and rebirth.

Rather than resisting it, it is time to allow it and work with it.

These last few weeks have been challenging for many. I see you and honour you. If you need help reach out.

Honour your natural cycles within you. Accept it and use it to your advantage. Winter is just as important as Summer.

Always remember that you truly are magnificent.

What if it was easy?

I often hear people say how hard things are in clinic and I have often thought these words myself. We have a fantastic way of over complicating things and making stuff hard for ourselves, so much harder than it needs to be.

Life is hard.

Change is hard.

Changing beliefs is hard.

Everything is hard.

Our EGO’s have made up this fantastic story to make everything hard. We may have a belief from our parents that to be a good person you have to work hard. We often stop what we are doing, remaining safe and stagnant but bloody miserable because it is too hard. Sometimes we won’t even attempt something new or make changes that we actually know is good for us because it is too hard. It allows us to be victims, an excuse to stop or needing to slog it out to make it valuable. The too hard energy is a victim energy were we push our power away from us.

I had had enough of making things harder for myself, so I started using a new mantra. It is also something that I often ask my clients when they start to get into the too hard energy, and may of them now use this themselves.

What if it was easy?

When I start to slip into it is too hard, I have learnt to ask myself,

What if this was easy?

What would I be doing differently? How could I make it easier? Is fear getting in the way from making it easy? Do I need to accept where I currently am or what I am feeling?

By asking a questions like this we use a different part of our brain, which switches us from survival mode to creation mode. The brain will accept and create an easier solution that may come from within our inner wisdom not attached to ego, our intuition or from the universe. We also step out of that victim energy and bring back out power to ourselves.

So next time it all feels too hard, ask yourself what if this was easy? allow the answers and follow what you get. You make be amazed at how much easier life can be.

You truly are magnificent.

Quit the comparing game

So many are constantly comparing themselves to others in their social group, family, people on social media, the mother’s at school, people in the same industry or business, or all of the above and more. This comparing is not helpful and is stopping people from trying new things, honouring who they are and stopping them living a rich and fulfilled life. It needs to stop.

Images of so called perfection seem to be in our faces a lot with social media. Certain body types, features, and lifestyle are admired and adored. You need to be or act a certain way to have a successful business or follow certain programs. If you don’t, god forbid, because you will fail. To be spiritual you need to fold your body into a pretzel with some crazy yoga pose, with perfect clothes hair and accessories or you need to dance around with flower crowns and wear hippy boho clothes in fields of flowers. Don’t forget the hot Adonis like partner, in the exotic location, taking the perfect picture, in the perfect moment, with the perfect food, the perfect eyebrows and makeup and tan and blah blah blah. Where likes = acceptance and follows = validation.

I know of so many people who compare themselves to these images and complain that they are not like them. But here is the thing.  Most of those people do not look like that either. Their lives are being lived not for their own enjoyment but to be Insta-worthy, notable.  We forget that images are photoshopped, manipulated, have a filter and “fixed” so the perceived flaws are removed. There may be professional makeup and hair crew which we don’t see and of course the time it takes to get that perfect “moment” which may actually take hours and lots of photos to get. Then you compare yourself when you are living, have just gotten up in the morning, or just finished your workout, or at the end of your long and hard working day and what looks back at you in the mirror, or the kids are sick and you feel like a failure as your life doesn’t look or feel like that. This standard can never be achieved, because it simply is not real! It is an illusion and it is time to wake up.

This comparing thing is on our DNA and wired into our survival programing. Back in the day when we lived in tribes, we needed to fit into that tribe for our own survival and the safety of the tribe. If we brought attention to ourselves or were very different from the tribe, then we would be cast out and shunned and often sent away from the safety of the community. Our survival depended on us conforming to a standard, so we were constantly checking to see if we were ok and safe in our conformity.

In this day and age, we don’t have those same worries and it is time for us to no longer conform to something that is destructive to our identity and the way we want to live. It is time to challenge those beliefs and stop believing the bullshit that has been feed to us.  Our uniqueness and weirdness should be accepted and seen not as a detriment to our survival but something to be encouraged and embraced.  So why are we still constantly comparing ourselves?

FEAR.

Pure and simple. We are scared that we may stand out, or not stand out enough. We are scared of our own power because we have not been taught to trust it and use it to our benefit and those around us. We have been taught that other people are our competition and not our allies. We have been taught that there is only certain things that are acceptable.  We have been taught that it is arrogant to love ourselves. We have been taught to not rock the boat, don’t speak up, and don’t have an opinion.  So we are then filled with fear that we must conform in case we do life wrong.  

Comparing yourself to others will always set you up to fail. By looking externally for validation of your inner conflict due to your lack of self-worth and self-love will continue that state of never feeling good enough.  If you take back that energy that you put out there in this form and use it to your own advantage, working on yourself and doing the inner work, imagine what you could do in the world and how you could feel about yourself? There is no magic pill, but a decision to stop hating yourself and starting to accept yourself is a great start. Do the inner work to move you out of that fear state and into acceptance and love.  Your value is an inside job.  Self-love and self-worth is an inside job, which means you are in control of it. That is pretty cool.

I challenge you that the next time you start to compare ask yourself why.  Am I uncomfortable with where I currently am?  Have I put someone’s differences above my own uniqueness when I should be loving mine? What am I fearful of? What emotions is that person triggering in me?  Can I accept that I am comparing and decide to change that thought? Acceptance of where you currently are and what you are currently feeling is a great place to start and work from. Then I want you to think about 3 things that you like about yourself or are proud of in that moment. Look at yourself in the mirror and start accepting what you see. Then slowly start to change the thoughts in your head, to more positive beliefs. Challenge those shitty thoughts, as they are not true.

There is only one you and your job is to be you fully. Not you trying to be someone else but YOU! Make a commitment to yourself today. Be kinder to yourself. Speak nicer words about yourself. Commit to changing the way you perceive yourself. Show yourself compassion and empathy. Treat yourself like your own best friend and stop being your own worst enemy. You get to choose how you think about yourself. If you need help with this, reach out and ask for support from trusted friends and family or a practitioner like me.  It is really worth the time and effort to love who you are. After all you are the one constant in your life.  Isn’t it time that you get along?

You truly are magnificent.