Bypassing our Negativity

Many years ago I met a women who was proud that she was a really positive person. It was one of the very first things she said to me. She wore it like a badge of honour and looked down on people who were negative and believed that by not acknowledging the negative that it did not exist.  

The funny thing is though, she didn’t really act like she was happy, nor positive other than the words she spoke.  Being sensitive, I could feel her energy and she was not radiating joy and happiness. In fact her energy wasn’t positive at all.  

I got talking to her and she shared that her father had recently passed away.  I asked her how she was. At first she started sprouting all the cliché positive stuff when someone passes.  I touched her on the shoulder and I made a comment that yes, even though those sentiments are all true, it is still sad when someone you love passes on and the human part of us feels really sad when that happens and it is ok to feel that grief.

She broke down.

She hadn’t allowed herself to grieve, because of this positive bullshit belief she had going on. She used positivity as a shield, a brick wall, as she thought that she couldn’t get hurt and she wouldn’t have to feel.

When we don’t allow ourselves to feel any negative emotions, we call it bypassing.

This is not a healthy response for many reasons. 

When crappy things happen, if we don’t allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling and rather stuff the emotions down (often using things like food, drugs, alcohol, sex, excessive exercise etc) we suppress the emotions. This does not mean that those emotions do not exist.  The body and unconscious are storing these emotions, until a time when you are either ready to deal with them, or you are forced to deal with them. Something happens that all those suppressed emotions come up.  Often this something is totally unrelated and can be quite minor or it can be a big thing that seems even bigger because of the underlying issues.

Everybody suppresses emotions.

Many are supressing because they don’t want to feel.

We spend so much time and energy trying to not feel.

We are terrified of our emotions, because we may feel out of control, they often feel so big and overwhelming and many have not been encourage to express their emotions as children, so they have no idea how to feel them as adults.

When we do not want to feel the negative, we also don’t feel the positives as deeply either.

We can become numb and life losses its colour.

Here is the thing. 

The quicker you feel it, the quicker it moves through you and dissipates and you can move on.

When you feel it and it moves through you, you do not store it negatively in your body, as it has already been expressed.

We need to stop judging our emotions and start seeing them as a guidance system and start to allow ourselves to feel them.

Now I am not suggesting that you have a pity party and wallow around in your negative crap and wear that shit like a jacket of negativity. That is far from helpful. It is ok to feel the emotion, without judgement, let it move through your body and then you are able to move into higher states of being this way. 

The only way is through. 

Our emotions are beautiful.

Our emotions are powerful.

Our emotions allow us to shift our consciousness.

We are emotional beings and our emotions are a gift. 

If you need help with your emotional intelligence or baggage, book a session and lets start getting you back to centre and in your power.

You truly are magnificent.

The base chakra and online sessions

We are living with lots of unknowns at the moment, which has been and is really uncomfortable for many.  

Most people’s base chakra’s are being triggered. The base chakra is situated at the base of the spine, and is related to survival and existence and is connected to our flight/fight response and the adrenal glands.

This is where primal fears are felt.  Fears like death, the dark, unknowns, getting sick, end of the world etc. It is also the base of our power.

At the moment, many are scared and feeling they have no power, which is triggering their flight/fight response.  Those primal fears are being felt collectively.

Most will do anything to not feel uncomfortable at normal times, but the current environment is forcing many to sit in this discomfort. 

This is a positive thing.

I am already hearing of people looking at their current life and work situations, as it is not working for them and making changes to something more aligned to the way they want to live.

Many are waking up and having to address their fears and emotions and challenging their belief systems, because it is literally in their faces.

Many are waking up to what is truly important to them.

Many are working out how to do life differently, often getting back to basics.

Many are having to take responsibility for themselves on all levels of their being, connecting them to the freedom of choice and how they want to live.

Many are waking up to how powerful they are.

For me, I am having to step even more into my power and the way I know I need to be working, slowing down and truly connecting within, reaching out to people in different ways and taking the many opportunities that have already presented to me.

To help with the feeling of being uncomfortable, get outside and ground your energy. This is free and safe, as long as you keep in mind “social-distancing” if at a public park. Sit outside, lay down on the grass, walk without shoes on the earth, and consciously connect to the earth and the sun. 

Don’t forget that Vitamin D is crucial for our immune systems and moods.

The more grounded we are the more balanced our Base chakra becomes.

If you are needing and wanting extra support, I am still seeing 1:1 clients in my clinic and I am now offering zoom sessions for those who are not in a position to see me due to location or isolation.

I am working on new sessions, packages, workshops to help you through these unknown times.

As always,

You truly are Magnificent.

Donella

Be Curious

In sessions this week judgement has come up a lot.

I have challenged people, rather than judging something, can they get curious instead.

When we are curious rather than judging, the energy is lighter and we can ask some good quality questions about what is happening.

For example, if you are getting anxious about a social situation you have to attend, start getting curious.  You could ask yourself some questions.

What am I scared of in this situation?

How is my insecurities showing themselves right now?

Where in my body am I feeling anxious?

When else have I felt like this?

What else could it mean?

How can I help myself right now?

Observe your thinking and your thoughts. No doubt the monkey mind will be playing up. 

Get curious.

Is this thought real? (Pstt the answer to this is usually no!)

Is this thought a true reflection of what is actually going on, or am I dragging my past into the present or am I making something into a drama?

Is this thought healthy for me?

Is it adding value or stopping me in my life?

Don’t fight the thoughts, but observe them.

Get curious.

You can say next in your head and choose another thought. You could say an affirmation that is positive.  You may need to move your body to change the energy.

This give you back your power.

So rather than judging something as bad, get curious without the judgement. You might learn something about yourself you didn’t know before.

You truly are magnificent.

The Precious Pause

As we head into what is often a crazy time of year, it is important to remember that we always have a choice in the way we respond. Often when we are being challenged, we are triggered or feeling stressed and overwhelmed, we have this perception of not having any choices and we react from this place of lack.

Our stress means we often become super focused on the problem and reactive to whatever has triggered us.  I often hear from my clients that they hate the feeling of being really reactive and want to know of ways that they can help themselves to become more responsive rather than reactive.

I use a really simple technique when I become triggered and I have taught this technique to many clients.  It is called the precious pause. Here is what you do.

Pause.

Take a deep breath in.

Exhale making an audible sigh.  This lets your nervous system know that it is safe.

Repeat until you feel present in your body. I usually say around 3 times, but you can do as many as you like or feels right.

Simple right?

From this place you can start to observe your body, your reactions, your projections and how you are feeling. By observing your own energy, you can learn what your reactions and triggers are and you can start to retrain yourself to start responding rather than reacting.  This allows you to take back you power.  It also allows you to take a step back and see the different options that are present for you.

It is important to remember too, that you are human and sometimes even the most Zen of people will react in a way that they don’t like. 

Forgive yourself. 

It is not like a switch that you can switch on and you become a monk that always knows how to respond in any given moment. (Oh and by the way even the Dali Lama gets angry and reacts, so be kind to yourself) It really is a journey, and each moment you can learn something new.  

We often feel obliged this time of year to perhaps do things that we don’t really want to do or hang out with people who are really not very nice. If you don’t want to do something, then please say No.

No is a complete sentence. 

No explanation necessary.

As always, remember,

You truly are magnificent.

Trust

Trust has been a theme in clinic over the last few weeks and we have had lots of discussions around what trust means and feels like.

I have often heard from clients that they have trust issues and it is something that I used to say too. 

Trust is something that needs to be built.

This is why when it is broken it can be so devastating. It takes time.

Trust is something that we feel and build within.

I heard a great analogy of trust used recently. You wouldn’t step out onto a bridge that is made of a twig. You can tell by looking at it that it will not hold you.  So you build that bridge up with larger logs and maybe some planks of wood or other materials to make it strong, until you look at it and it feels right. You then step up and you make the first step, testing it first, then adding more pressure until you can step fully onto it. You build trust in the bridge until you don’t even have to think about it, you know it feels right.

If you had stepped out onto that twig in the first place, even though your intuition was saying no, and you feel off and hurt yourself, how can you say that you have trust issues?

And yet this is what so many of us do.

Most of our trust issues are actually our lack of trust of ourselves. This then flows onto lacking trust in our relationships and the universe.

We can build trust within.

Do you check in to your own wisdom or do you go externally for your answers?

Even when other people are saying that you should be doing something that would be good for you, if you know in your gut and in your heart that it is not for you, then walk away, say No and own your decision.

You don’t need to know why, you only have to trust it.

You do not have to justify yourself and your decisions.

It is no one else’s business but your own.

I have listened to other people in the past, rather than my own intuition. I defaulted to their advice rather than listening to my own intuition, because they know better, right?

Or I didn’t listen to my intuition, because my logical brain was saying this is a great opportunity and other people are doing it, so it must be good for me too. 

I followed my logic, which is often linked to my fear programs instead of my intuition. 

It didn’t end well. 

I then got angry for not trusting myself and backing those feelings.

What a great lesson to have though!

Now that I know better, I honour my intuition and follow it.  I challenge my fear and insecurities and don’t let them dictate my decisions, or hide behind logic.  I have built trust within myself, so that now I know that I can trust the universe and those around me, because my intuition is going to let me know when something is wrong and I will follow it.

I trust myself and I trust the universe completely.

It is OK to go against others opinions. It is OK to do things your way, even when nobody else understands it.

You may not even understand it at the time, and that it ok too!

It is a must to trust those feelings, as that is how trust is built.

It is your life and you get to choose how you live it.

Is it time to trust yourself? 

You are truly magnificent.

Worthy

Your worth is not found in the number you look at when you stand on the scales. Your worth does not increase when that number decreases, nor does it decrease if the number increases.

Your worth is not found in diminishing yourself and your uniqueness, your quirks, your differences, your intelligence or your personality.

You worth is not found in how young you look, how much you defy ageing, how beautiful or attractive you are. Don’t even get me started on the 10 year ageing challenge and how hard of you aged!  What the actual fuck!

Your worth is not found in fillers and botox.

Your worth is not found in your physical appearance at all. Your body is a vessel that homes you in this reality.  Your body gives you the opportunity to live your life joyously, courageously, filled with adventures, pleasure, laughter and experiences and gaining wisdom along the way that is uniquely yours.

Your worth is not found in the opinions or judgements of others. Even the people who love you, will get it wrong sometimes.

Your worth is not found in the shitty things that may have happened to you, your relationships or lack of, your family nor your childhood.

The fact you are alive right now, at this time, means you are worthy. No one is more or less deserving or worthy. How minds like to trick us into thinking that other people are more worthy, more attractive, smarter, but it is bullshit. You may not fit into what society deems to be acceptable (I know I don’t) but that doesn’t mean you are not gloriously worthy.

Most people I see, in some way has self-worth issues and it breaks my heart, as these people are incredible and amazingly unique beings, who have forgotten their own power, forgotten to love themselves and be who they truly are.

The time is right to claim your worthiness, even if you don’t feel it yet.  It is time to expect better in your life and no longer tolerate what doesn’t resonate with you.  It is time to change your thinking and inner voice that says you are not enough. That voice is full of shit and a liar.  You do not have to listen, nor believe that voice.

You are incredible. Exactly as you are.

You are amazing. Exactly as you are.

You are unique. Exactly as you are.

You are fucking worthy. Exactly as you are.

Time for you to claim it and allow yourself to shine.

You truly are magnificent.

Acceptance

So many people are suffering and in pain due to their resistance to where they are at or what they are feeling. Before we can fully more forward, we have to accept where we currently are.  The other night I was out with a friend and I found myself complaining about a current situation I am in.  The next day I was reflecting on our conversation and I realised that I was in resistance to what is.  This resistance can show up in the stories you tell, or the thoughts that you have, the excuses you make or the blame that you make, for me it was coming up with the complaining I was doing and the internal dialogue around it.  I was actually really sick of this story that I had going on.  It was starting to bore me, a sure sign that it was time to let it go. So I took a deep breath and accepted where I currently am. I did some work around the resistance and got honest with myself.

What was I getting from staying in the resistance?

What fear was coming up around my current situation?

What do I need to move forward?

Once I asked the questions and owned my answers, letting go of the self-talk, the stories on repeat and my complaining, I decided to accept my situation. Once I accepted it without judgement or beating myself up over it and everything that entails, like my decisions, my actions or lack of, my resistance, all of it, I felt lighter. I could see that it was in the resistance that I was blocking flow.  In the resistance was my fear of the past and moving forward. In the resistance was my lack of trust in myself and the universe.  In the resistance was my feeling of not being enough. When you give yourself permission to be in acceptance, then it is easier to move forward and upward. Acceptance comes with kindness, compassion and no judgment. From this place I can see and feel clearly again, reconnected to my inner guidance and trust my intuition and take inspired action.

I also help clients see that it is ok to be who they are, to be where they are and to feel like they do.  My job is to unravel the stories, excuses, blame, fear and thoughts, with love, to show you that there is more, that they are not true and do not have to dictate who you are and what you can achieve. I unravel these stories, so that you can step ever closer to who you are, embracing the magnificent being that you are, underneath all the stories and be empowered to love and accept who you are and thrive in your life.  There is such power in acceptance. You truly are magnificent.