You’re not for everyone.

Do you hold yourself back from expressing your truth or your business message out of fear?

Fear of not being liked.

Fear of being rejected.

Fear of being misunderstood.

Fear of being different to the herd.

When these fears are running the show, we often step out of our authentic energy.

We start to beige ourselves, start to behave like other people because of our perception of them, which is not the truth.

Well they look successful though.

They look like they know what they are doing.

They are respected and I want some of that.

They seem to be making heaps of money.

I was told a great story around this. 

You want to attract everyone to your business, because you want to be liked and have a successful business right?

So you start baking and selling your lemon meringue pies. It goes well, but you notice that other people are doing the same. Your fears start to come into play and you compare yourself to other people. Then you see that people like other cakes too, so you want to get all those people to buy from you.

Making all these different cakes, you start to notice that they are not really all that nice because you are not enjoying baking them. You are not giving what you actually love making the time it deserves.

So you decide to embrace all that you are.

You love lemon meringue pie and you really want to share that with the world. So you re-focus all your attention to making lemon meringue pies. Others start to notice how good they are and start telling all the lemon meringue pie lovers they should buy from you.

Now you are loving what you do, you are being you fully and you have attracted your tribe who love and celebrate and tell others what you are doing.

Win Win.

If you are being you, trying to be someone else out of fear, you will never fully reach your target audience, you will be resentful as it is so much harder trying to be someone else (and bloody disrespectful to your own brilliance) and people will feel that the energy of your business does not much who you are, so they won’t stay around.

The world needs you showing up as your unique energy code.

You need to be ok, to celebrate in fact, that you are not for everyone.

But you are for those that your energy attracts. The more you own your weird and wonderful self, the better and more aligned your energy, the easier it is to attract your tribe!

Ready to Evolve?

Boundaries

I have had many conversations over the years around boundaries. The last few weeks it is a theme amongst many of my business clients, as they are struggling with setting boundaries, boundaries not being respected by others or people who have no boundaries.

If you are not setting your boundaries, others will.

We want to help, to offer our services, make money to support ourselves and our families, that we often accommodate people to the detriment of ourselves.

This can lead to burnout, resentment, fatigue and anger. Not a great place to be, especially offering our services.

It is your responsibility and part of your job to set your boundaries, to honour them and communicate them.

So why do people lack boundaries?

There are many reasons.

Fear of how other people will react to our boundaries and not wanting to be confrontational.

Lack of self-worth and self-respect.

Inability to say no.

Don’t know how to communicate or set your boundaries.

Constantly giving your power away to other people.

Expecting others (people, organisations, government) to set rules for you, rather than listening to your own inner guidance and do what is right for you.

Needing to please other people.

So what does boundaries look like, feel like, and sound like to you?

This will depend entirely on you.

Your energy. The amount of money you want to earn. How much work you are able to physically do and be healthy. Your other commitments around family, your partner, friends, social and sport etc. What you will tolerate and what you won’t. What your values are and what is important to you.

If you are setting new boundaries, then others may not like that, as they are used to you being a certain way that benefitted them. 

It is not your problem how they react and is totally outside your control.

Each time you stay firm in your boundaries, you are sending a clear message that you value yourself. The more you do this, the easy it gets and the more people will respect you.

Do you know that you have to set a new boundary in life or business?

I would love to help you uncover the underlying belief systems and emotions that are holding you back. Bookings through my website.

You truly are magnificent.

Bypassing our Negativity

Many years ago I met a women who was proud that she was a really positive person. It was one of the very first things she said to me. She wore it like a badge of honour and looked down on people who were negative and believed that by not acknowledging the negative that it did not exist.  

The funny thing is though, she didn’t really act like she was happy, nor positive other than the words she spoke.  Being sensitive, I could feel her energy and she was not radiating joy and happiness. In fact her energy wasn’t positive at all.  

I got talking to her and she shared that her father had recently passed away.  I asked her how she was. At first she started sprouting all the cliché positive stuff when someone passes.  I touched her on the shoulder and I made a comment that yes, even though those sentiments are all true, it is still sad when someone you love passes on and the human part of us feels really sad when that happens and it is ok to feel that grief.

She broke down.

She hadn’t allowed herself to grieve, because of this positive bullshit belief she had going on. She used positivity as a shield, a brick wall, as she thought that she couldn’t get hurt and she wouldn’t have to feel.

When we don’t allow ourselves to feel any negative emotions, we call it bypassing.

This is not a healthy response for many reasons. 

When crappy things happen, if we don’t allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling and rather stuff the emotions down (often using things like food, drugs, alcohol, sex, excessive exercise etc) we suppress the emotions. This does not mean that those emotions do not exist.  The body and unconscious are storing these emotions, until a time when you are either ready to deal with them, or you are forced to deal with them. Something happens that all those suppressed emotions come up.  Often this something is totally unrelated and can be quite minor or it can be a big thing that seems even bigger because of the underlying issues.

Everybody suppresses emotions.

Many are supressing because they don’t want to feel.

We spend so much time and energy trying to not feel.

We are terrified of our emotions, because we may feel out of control, they often feel so big and overwhelming and many have not been encourage to express their emotions as children, so they have no idea how to feel them as adults.

When we do not want to feel the negative, we also don’t feel the positives as deeply either.

We can become numb and life losses its colour.

Here is the thing. 

The quicker you feel it, the quicker it moves through you and dissipates and you can move on.

When you feel it and it moves through you, you do not store it negatively in your body, as it has already been expressed.

We need to stop judging our emotions and start seeing them as a guidance system and start to allow ourselves to feel them.

Now I am not suggesting that you have a pity party and wallow around in your negative crap and wear that shit like a jacket of negativity. That is far from helpful. It is ok to feel the emotion, without judgement, let it move through your body and then you are able to move into higher states of being this way. 

The only way is through. 

Our emotions are beautiful.

Our emotions are powerful.

Our emotions allow us to shift our consciousness.

We are emotional beings and our emotions are a gift. 

If you need help with your emotional intelligence or baggage, book a session and lets start getting you back to centre and in your power.

You truly are magnificent.

You are the one you have been waiting for

When I settle for less than I deserve, the collective settles.

When I accept crappy behaviour, then the collective shows me crappy behaviour.

When I raise my own personal standards, the collective rises too.

When I have great boundaries as an individual, the collective has better boundaries.

When I focus on truth, the collective reveals the truth.

When I heal my trauma and my wounds, the collective heals.

When I raise my vibration and frequency, the collective rises.

When I love myself and those around me, the collective fills with love.

When I own my power, the collective is more powerful.

This is how it works.

This is how powerful you are!

If you are wanting change in the world, then you get to create that change.

You dream it.

You feel it.

You breathe it.

You action it.

You do the work.

You are the one you have been waiting for.

Exciting times are here.

You truly are magnificent.

You are immensely valuable.

I have been seeing a lot of people posting about using this physical distancing time on self-development, bettering themselves and using the time wisely.

Essentially replacing our previous busyiness into a new busyiness,

There has been a belief that busy and doing equated to being valuable. Now that we are not as busy and our lives have slowed down, the external markers of validation are simpler not there.

So to prove our worth, to be valuable, we must improve ourselves right?

The thing is that at the moment our nervous system and flight/fight response maybe doing weird things.

We may be struggling with concentration, have trouble sleeping, got no motivation and or feeling fearful.

There is 2 markers that have an impact in traumatic experiences

  1. The feeling of not being able to escape.
  2. Not being able to work out or make sense of something.

Both of those are currently happening in most people lives.

We are learning how to BE versus how to DO.

We are being invited to break the belief of needing external validation and learning to value and embrace our being.

If you are loving self-development, have high motivation, have creative ideas and being innovative, fantastic! Keep on going.

If you aren’t or know someone who isn’t, please be kind.  Don’t feel ashamed or bad that you are not feeling it. Sitting and watching TV or reading a book is also valuable.

You are immensely valuable.

You truly are magnificent.

The base chakra and online sessions

We are living with lots of unknowns at the moment, which has been and is really uncomfortable for many.  

Most people’s base chakra’s are being triggered. The base chakra is situated at the base of the spine, and is related to survival and existence and is connected to our flight/fight response and the adrenal glands.

This is where primal fears are felt.  Fears like death, the dark, unknowns, getting sick, end of the world etc. It is also the base of our power.

At the moment, many are scared and feeling they have no power, which is triggering their flight/fight response.  Those primal fears are being felt collectively.

Most will do anything to not feel uncomfortable at normal times, but the current environment is forcing many to sit in this discomfort. 

This is a positive thing.

I am already hearing of people looking at their current life and work situations, as it is not working for them and making changes to something more aligned to the way they want to live.

Many are waking up and having to address their fears and emotions and challenging their belief systems, because it is literally in their faces.

Many are waking up to what is truly important to them.

Many are working out how to do life differently, often getting back to basics.

Many are having to take responsibility for themselves on all levels of their being, connecting them to the freedom of choice and how they want to live.

Many are waking up to how powerful they are.

For me, I am having to step even more into my power and the way I know I need to be working, slowing down and truly connecting within, reaching out to people in different ways and taking the many opportunities that have already presented to me.

To help with the feeling of being uncomfortable, get outside and ground your energy. This is free and safe, as long as you keep in mind “social-distancing” if at a public park. Sit outside, lay down on the grass, walk without shoes on the earth, and consciously connect to the earth and the sun. 

Don’t forget that Vitamin D is crucial for our immune systems and moods.

The more grounded we are the more balanced our Base chakra becomes.

If you are needing and wanting extra support, I am still seeing 1:1 clients in my clinic and I am now offering zoom sessions for those who are not in a position to see me due to location or isolation.

I am working on new sessions, packages, workshops to help you through these unknown times.

As always,

You truly are Magnificent.

Donella

Self Responsibility and self care in a crisis.

There has been so much anger, rage, grief and fear being released here in Australia due to the bush fires.  I have had many conversations with different people around what they are feeling and what they can do in this time and what it all means. 

Something that we can do and is really important is to take personal responsibility for our self-care and for the energy we are bringing and emitting in each moment. From this place of responsibility we can then take action where we are called.

I have found myself crying many times and being sucked into the fear and rage.

I have been so fucking angry.

I have been so scared for my fellow Australians.

I have been feeling Guilty.

Guilt over where I live and being safe. Guilt over not being able to help more. Guilt that this was happening to good people.

Scrolling through social media and fuelling that pain and discomfort I was feeling and putting that energy out into the collective

It is hard to sit in that discomfort and upset when you are seeing you fellow brothers and sisters in such pain.

But how was this helping?

I am responsible for my heart and my life.

What energy was I putting out into the collective? More fear? More anger?

Me being hysterical and fearful was not helping.

I stopped scrolling and have limited my social media.

 I upped my self-care, and meditated and journaled and took magnesium.

Looking after myself is not being selfish, but essential for my own mental health and what I can do moving forward.

My life, my responsibility.

I ground my energy.

I connected to the earth.

I donated money.

We are in a marathon, not a sprint. People are going to need ongoing support, which means we all have to look after ourselves, so that we can look after those that need it.

Please don’t underestimate how powerful you are and the energy you send out, which only you are responsible for.

You truly are magnificent.

Be Curious

In sessions this week judgement has come up a lot.

I have challenged people, rather than judging something, can they get curious instead.

When we are curious rather than judging, the energy is lighter and we can ask some good quality questions about what is happening.

For example, if you are getting anxious about a social situation you have to attend, start getting curious.  You could ask yourself some questions.

What am I scared of in this situation?

How is my insecurities showing themselves right now?

Where in my body am I feeling anxious?

When else have I felt like this?

What else could it mean?

How can I help myself right now?

Observe your thinking and your thoughts. No doubt the monkey mind will be playing up. 

Get curious.

Is this thought real? (Pstt the answer to this is usually no!)

Is this thought a true reflection of what is actually going on, or am I dragging my past into the present or am I making something into a drama?

Is this thought healthy for me?

Is it adding value or stopping me in my life?

Don’t fight the thoughts, but observe them.

Get curious.

You can say next in your head and choose another thought. You could say an affirmation that is positive.  You may need to move your body to change the energy.

This give you back your power.

So rather than judging something as bad, get curious without the judgement. You might learn something about yourself you didn’t know before.

You truly are magnificent.

The Precious Pause

As we head into what is often a crazy time of year, it is important to remember that we always have a choice in the way we respond. Often when we are being challenged, we are triggered or feeling stressed and overwhelmed, we have this perception of not having any choices and we react from this place of lack.

Our stress means we often become super focused on the problem and reactive to whatever has triggered us.  I often hear from my clients that they hate the feeling of being really reactive and want to know of ways that they can help themselves to become more responsive rather than reactive.

I use a really simple technique when I become triggered and I have taught this technique to many clients.  It is called the precious pause. Here is what you do.

Pause.

Take a deep breath in.

Exhale making an audible sigh.  This lets your nervous system know that it is safe.

Repeat until you feel present in your body. I usually say around 3 times, but you can do as many as you like or feels right.

Simple right?

From this place you can start to observe your body, your reactions, your projections and how you are feeling. By observing your own energy, you can learn what your reactions and triggers are and you can start to retrain yourself to start responding rather than reacting.  This allows you to take back you power.  It also allows you to take a step back and see the different options that are present for you.

It is important to remember too, that you are human and sometimes even the most Zen of people will react in a way that they don’t like. 

Forgive yourself. 

It is not like a switch that you can switch on and you become a monk that always knows how to respond in any given moment. (Oh and by the way even the Dali Lama gets angry and reacts, so be kind to yourself) It really is a journey, and each moment you can learn something new.  

We often feel obliged this time of year to perhaps do things that we don’t really want to do or hang out with people who are really not very nice. If you don’t want to do something, then please say No.

No is a complete sentence. 

No explanation necessary.

As always, remember,

You truly are magnificent.

Trust

Trust has been a theme in clinic over the last few weeks and we have had lots of discussions around what trust means and feels like.

I have often heard from clients that they have trust issues and it is something that I used to say too. 

Trust is something that needs to be built.

This is why when it is broken it can be so devastating. It takes time.

Trust is something that we feel and build within.

I heard a great analogy of trust used recently. You wouldn’t step out onto a bridge that is made of a twig. You can tell by looking at it that it will not hold you.  So you build that bridge up with larger logs and maybe some planks of wood or other materials to make it strong, until you look at it and it feels right. You then step up and you make the first step, testing it first, then adding more pressure until you can step fully onto it. You build trust in the bridge until you don’t even have to think about it, you know it feels right.

If you had stepped out onto that twig in the first place, even though your intuition was saying no, and you feel off and hurt yourself, how can you say that you have trust issues?

And yet this is what so many of us do.

Most of our trust issues are actually our lack of trust of ourselves. This then flows onto lacking trust in our relationships and the universe.

We can build trust within.

Do you check in to your own wisdom or do you go externally for your answers?

Even when other people are saying that you should be doing something that would be good for you, if you know in your gut and in your heart that it is not for you, then walk away, say No and own your decision.

You don’t need to know why, you only have to trust it.

You do not have to justify yourself and your decisions.

It is no one else’s business but your own.

I have listened to other people in the past, rather than my own intuition. I defaulted to their advice rather than listening to my own intuition, because they know better, right?

Or I didn’t listen to my intuition, because my logical brain was saying this is a great opportunity and other people are doing it, so it must be good for me too. 

I followed my logic, which is often linked to my fear programs instead of my intuition. 

It didn’t end well. 

I then got angry for not trusting myself and backing those feelings.

What a great lesson to have though!

Now that I know better, I honour my intuition and follow it.  I challenge my fear and insecurities and don’t let them dictate my decisions, or hide behind logic.  I have built trust within myself, so that now I know that I can trust the universe and those around me, because my intuition is going to let me know when something is wrong and I will follow it.

I trust myself and I trust the universe completely.

It is OK to go against others opinions. It is OK to do things your way, even when nobody else understands it.

You may not even understand it at the time, and that it ok too!

It is a must to trust those feelings, as that is how trust is built.

It is your life and you get to choose how you live it.

Is it time to trust yourself? 

You are truly magnificent.