You’re not for everyone.

Do you hold yourself back from expressing your truth or your business message out of fear?

Fear of not being liked.

Fear of being rejected.

Fear of being misunderstood.

Fear of being different to the herd.

When these fears are running the show, we often step out of our authentic energy.

We start to beige ourselves, start to behave like other people because of our perception of them, which is not the truth.

Well they look successful though.

They look like they know what they are doing.

They are respected and I want some of that.

They seem to be making heaps of money.

I was told a great story around this. 

You want to attract everyone to your business, because you want to be liked and have a successful business right?

So you start baking and selling your lemon meringue pies. It goes well, but you notice that other people are doing the same. Your fears start to come into play and you compare yourself to other people. Then you see that people like other cakes too, so you want to get all those people to buy from you.

Making all these different cakes, you start to notice that they are not really all that nice because you are not enjoying baking them. You are not giving what you actually love making the time it deserves.

So you decide to embrace all that you are.

You love lemon meringue pie and you really want to share that with the world. So you re-focus all your attention to making lemon meringue pies. Others start to notice how good they are and start telling all the lemon meringue pie lovers they should buy from you.

Now you are loving what you do, you are being you fully and you have attracted your tribe who love and celebrate and tell others what you are doing.

Win Win.

If you are being you, trying to be someone else out of fear, you will never fully reach your target audience, you will be resentful as it is so much harder trying to be someone else (and bloody disrespectful to your own brilliance) and people will feel that the energy of your business does not much who you are, so they won’t stay around.

The world needs you showing up as your unique energy code.

You need to be ok, to celebrate in fact, that you are not for everyone.

But you are for those that your energy attracts. The more you own your weird and wonderful self, the better and more aligned your energy, the easier it is to attract your tribe!

Ready to Evolve?

Bypassing our Negativity

Many years ago I met a women who was proud that she was a really positive person. It was one of the very first things she said to me. She wore it like a badge of honour and looked down on people who were negative and believed that by not acknowledging the negative that it did not exist.  

The funny thing is though, she didn’t really act like she was happy, nor positive other than the words she spoke.  Being sensitive, I could feel her energy and she was not radiating joy and happiness. In fact her energy wasn’t positive at all.  

I got talking to her and she shared that her father had recently passed away.  I asked her how she was. At first she started sprouting all the cliché positive stuff when someone passes.  I touched her on the shoulder and I made a comment that yes, even though those sentiments are all true, it is still sad when someone you love passes on and the human part of us feels really sad when that happens and it is ok to feel that grief.

She broke down.

She hadn’t allowed herself to grieve, because of this positive bullshit belief she had going on. She used positivity as a shield, a brick wall, as she thought that she couldn’t get hurt and she wouldn’t have to feel.

When we don’t allow ourselves to feel any negative emotions, we call it bypassing.

This is not a healthy response for many reasons. 

When crappy things happen, if we don’t allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling and rather stuff the emotions down (often using things like food, drugs, alcohol, sex, excessive exercise etc) we suppress the emotions. This does not mean that those emotions do not exist.  The body and unconscious are storing these emotions, until a time when you are either ready to deal with them, or you are forced to deal with them. Something happens that all those suppressed emotions come up.  Often this something is totally unrelated and can be quite minor or it can be a big thing that seems even bigger because of the underlying issues.

Everybody suppresses emotions.

Many are supressing because they don’t want to feel.

We spend so much time and energy trying to not feel.

We are terrified of our emotions, because we may feel out of control, they often feel so big and overwhelming and many have not been encourage to express their emotions as children, so they have no idea how to feel them as adults.

When we do not want to feel the negative, we also don’t feel the positives as deeply either.

We can become numb and life losses its colour.

Here is the thing. 

The quicker you feel it, the quicker it moves through you and dissipates and you can move on.

When you feel it and it moves through you, you do not store it negatively in your body, as it has already been expressed.

We need to stop judging our emotions and start seeing them as a guidance system and start to allow ourselves to feel them.

Now I am not suggesting that you have a pity party and wallow around in your negative crap and wear that shit like a jacket of negativity. That is far from helpful. It is ok to feel the emotion, without judgement, let it move through your body and then you are able to move into higher states of being this way. 

The only way is through. 

Our emotions are beautiful.

Our emotions are powerful.

Our emotions allow us to shift our consciousness.

We are emotional beings and our emotions are a gift. 

If you need help with your emotional intelligence or baggage, book a session and lets start getting you back to centre and in your power.

You truly are magnificent.

Lessons learnt behind closed doors.

Before the hard lockdown, in between the lockdowns, here in Melbourne, I had a kinesiology session. I always walk my talk and I had some stuff come up around friendships and my feelings around that.  During this session I had to look at some beliefs around living my life and what that means to me, who I want in it, how I want to be treated, what I want to do etc.  

It came up during the session that for me, I was more afraid of not being able to live my life on my terms then death.

So the loom of a hard lockdown did not go down well.

It literally felt like dying.

This session helped so much, both in how I managed lockdown and clarity around what freedom meant to me and my life.

One of the things I identified and actioned to help me move forward was how I wanted to feel each day. By tuning into my inner guidance, asking myself the question and doing what my inner wisdom told me to do, I took back my power. I was fully responsible for what my day looked and felt like, what I was being, and doing. It felt so much better than being a victim to outside circumstances.

You see I get to decide how I want to feel each day, so How did I want to go about me day.   

Freedom comes from within me, and not be any government or media outlet.

Most days it was to bring joy, to feel light and free and allow the sunshine or the light in each day.

I asked my inner guidance how I could bring in the joy each day.

What did that look like?

It varied each day and sometimes moment to moment. Here are some of the things that I did and have continued to do.

Reading a book on my front step in the sunshine and seeing and connecting with people walking past.

A coffee purchased from a local coffee shop made by lovely people.

Certain foods for lunch.

Doing a jigsaw puzzle.

Knitting a few squares of my scrapping blanket.

Ringing or catching up with friends on zoom.

Colouring in.

Listening to something on Youtube, playing my favourite music or song or watching a movie.

Going for a walk.

Journaling.

Meditating.

Having a bath.

It was surprising how simple some of those things were that gave me so much joy.

One of the best lessons I have learnt coming out the other end of lockdown is that identifying how my attitude and perspective around everything is where my power lies. I can choose in any given moment, how I want to feel, what something means to me and changing my view on that thing if I need or choose to. It means allowing myself to be in my power to be me fully and unapologetically. I can make something mean something or nothing.

It felt so freeing.

That by being me and shining my light brightly out into the world, whatever I am doing, is the most important thing for me to do.

Not water myself down.

Not censoring myself.

Not making myself less than the bloody amazing human being that I am.

Not allowing shitty stories and thoughts dictate who I am and how I interact with people.

Being the shiniest version of me I can be.

Do you know what gives you joy or things you can do to help you feel the way you want to feel?

What a fantastic education this life is and in particular 2020.

What a time to be alive.

Always remember.

You truly are magnificent.

You are immensely valuable.

I have been seeing a lot of people posting about using this physical distancing time on self-development, bettering themselves and using the time wisely.

Essentially replacing our previous busyiness into a new busyiness,

There has been a belief that busy and doing equated to being valuable. Now that we are not as busy and our lives have slowed down, the external markers of validation are simpler not there.

So to prove our worth, to be valuable, we must improve ourselves right?

The thing is that at the moment our nervous system and flight/fight response maybe doing weird things.

We may be struggling with concentration, have trouble sleeping, got no motivation and or feeling fearful.

There is 2 markers that have an impact in traumatic experiences

  1. The feeling of not being able to escape.
  2. Not being able to work out or make sense of something.

Both of those are currently happening in most people lives.

We are learning how to BE versus how to DO.

We are being invited to break the belief of needing external validation and learning to value and embrace our being.

If you are loving self-development, have high motivation, have creative ideas and being innovative, fantastic! Keep on going.

If you aren’t or know someone who isn’t, please be kind.  Don’t feel ashamed or bad that you are not feeling it. Sitting and watching TV or reading a book is also valuable.

You are immensely valuable.

You truly are magnificent.

Self Responsibility and self care in a crisis.

There has been so much anger, rage, grief and fear being released here in Australia due to the bush fires.  I have had many conversations with different people around what they are feeling and what they can do in this time and what it all means. 

Something that we can do and is really important is to take personal responsibility for our self-care and for the energy we are bringing and emitting in each moment. From this place of responsibility we can then take action where we are called.

I have found myself crying many times and being sucked into the fear and rage.

I have been so fucking angry.

I have been so scared for my fellow Australians.

I have been feeling Guilty.

Guilt over where I live and being safe. Guilt over not being able to help more. Guilt that this was happening to good people.

Scrolling through social media and fuelling that pain and discomfort I was feeling and putting that energy out into the collective

It is hard to sit in that discomfort and upset when you are seeing you fellow brothers and sisters in such pain.

But how was this helping?

I am responsible for my heart and my life.

What energy was I putting out into the collective? More fear? More anger?

Me being hysterical and fearful was not helping.

I stopped scrolling and have limited my social media.

 I upped my self-care, and meditated and journaled and took magnesium.

Looking after myself is not being selfish, but essential for my own mental health and what I can do moving forward.

My life, my responsibility.

I ground my energy.

I connected to the earth.

I donated money.

We are in a marathon, not a sprint. People are going to need ongoing support, which means we all have to look after ourselves, so that we can look after those that need it.

Please don’t underestimate how powerful you are and the energy you send out, which only you are responsible for.

You truly are magnificent.

The Precious Pause

As we head into what is often a crazy time of year, it is important to remember that we always have a choice in the way we respond. Often when we are being challenged, we are triggered or feeling stressed and overwhelmed, we have this perception of not having any choices and we react from this place of lack.

Our stress means we often become super focused on the problem and reactive to whatever has triggered us.  I often hear from my clients that they hate the feeling of being really reactive and want to know of ways that they can help themselves to become more responsive rather than reactive.

I use a really simple technique when I become triggered and I have taught this technique to many clients.  It is called the precious pause. Here is what you do.

Pause.

Take a deep breath in.

Exhale making an audible sigh.  This lets your nervous system know that it is safe.

Repeat until you feel present in your body. I usually say around 3 times, but you can do as many as you like or feels right.

Simple right?

From this place you can start to observe your body, your reactions, your projections and how you are feeling. By observing your own energy, you can learn what your reactions and triggers are and you can start to retrain yourself to start responding rather than reacting.  This allows you to take back you power.  It also allows you to take a step back and see the different options that are present for you.

It is important to remember too, that you are human and sometimes even the most Zen of people will react in a way that they don’t like. 

Forgive yourself. 

It is not like a switch that you can switch on and you become a monk that always knows how to respond in any given moment. (Oh and by the way even the Dali Lama gets angry and reacts, so be kind to yourself) It really is a journey, and each moment you can learn something new.  

We often feel obliged this time of year to perhaps do things that we don’t really want to do or hang out with people who are really not very nice. If you don’t want to do something, then please say No.

No is a complete sentence. 

No explanation necessary.

As always, remember,

You truly are magnificent.

Trust

Trust has been a theme in clinic over the last few weeks and we have had lots of discussions around what trust means and feels like.

I have often heard from clients that they have trust issues and it is something that I used to say too. 

Trust is something that needs to be built.

This is why when it is broken it can be so devastating. It takes time.

Trust is something that we feel and build within.

I heard a great analogy of trust used recently. You wouldn’t step out onto a bridge that is made of a twig. You can tell by looking at it that it will not hold you.  So you build that bridge up with larger logs and maybe some planks of wood or other materials to make it strong, until you look at it and it feels right. You then step up and you make the first step, testing it first, then adding more pressure until you can step fully onto it. You build trust in the bridge until you don’t even have to think about it, you know it feels right.

If you had stepped out onto that twig in the first place, even though your intuition was saying no, and you feel off and hurt yourself, how can you say that you have trust issues?

And yet this is what so many of us do.

Most of our trust issues are actually our lack of trust of ourselves. This then flows onto lacking trust in our relationships and the universe.

We can build trust within.

Do you check in to your own wisdom or do you go externally for your answers?

Even when other people are saying that you should be doing something that would be good for you, if you know in your gut and in your heart that it is not for you, then walk away, say No and own your decision.

You don’t need to know why, you only have to trust it.

You do not have to justify yourself and your decisions.

It is no one else’s business but your own.

I have listened to other people in the past, rather than my own intuition. I defaulted to their advice rather than listening to my own intuition, because they know better, right?

Or I didn’t listen to my intuition, because my logical brain was saying this is a great opportunity and other people are doing it, so it must be good for me too. 

I followed my logic, which is often linked to my fear programs instead of my intuition. 

It didn’t end well. 

I then got angry for not trusting myself and backing those feelings.

What a great lesson to have though!

Now that I know better, I honour my intuition and follow it.  I challenge my fear and insecurities and don’t let them dictate my decisions, or hide behind logic.  I have built trust within myself, so that now I know that I can trust the universe and those around me, because my intuition is going to let me know when something is wrong and I will follow it.

I trust myself and I trust the universe completely.

It is OK to go against others opinions. It is OK to do things your way, even when nobody else understands it.

You may not even understand it at the time, and that it ok too!

It is a must to trust those feelings, as that is how trust is built.

It is your life and you get to choose how you live it.

Is it time to trust yourself? 

You are truly magnificent.

Changes and the EGO

When we make any changes we are going into uncharted territory.

For some this shift will mean a feeling of relief and excitement.  For others, this will mean an increase in anxiety. 

Your fear response kicks in and you start to question if making a change is such a good idea.

Why the different responses?

We are unique so your response is also going to be unique, but generally if someone has had a negative response then the EGO has come into play. 

Our EGO’s are amazing with the crap that they can come up with to keep you safe.

Your dysfunction, even though it may be terrible, can be like an old friend.

You know it so well.

Your EGO can keep you safe in that space even if you are miserable.

When you consciously decide to make some changes, the EGO doesn’t always like it, because it has been the boss for a long time and will do anything to not feel discomfort that the changes you consciously choose to make could bring.

Your EGO doesn’t know what will happen next and that scares it.

Here is the thing.

Anything new will cause a nervous or anxious response in the body.

This is normal!

This response helps us to be present, aware and ready to take action.  

Your body does not know the difference between anxiety and excitement.  It is the conscious mind that gives the label of negative or positive to the subconscious mind.

This means that if you are making changes or doing something new you can choose to be excited about it.

You can make the change easier for you by connecting to your why. 

Why are you making these changes? 

How are they going to benefit you in the long run? 

This will also help the EGO feel safe, as it then has a point of reference rather than looking into the scary abyss of not knowing.

You can always tell if you are sitting in your EGO or not by how it feels. EGO constricts, controls, feels like you are being pushed and is coming from a place of fear.  Not in EGO or being in the love state is expansive, flows, and feels like you are being pulled along and you are coming from a place of love.

Change is a constant in your life, and the less you resist it, the easier it is for you.

If you need support in making changes in your life, or needing clarity hit the book now button to book in a session.   

Always remember.

You truly are magnificent.

Sometimes a whisper is more powerful than a roar.

On the weekend I was getting a bit ranty and frustrated with the universe and voicing this to a friend of mine.  She asked me if on some level I needed to get all angry and ranty, to know that the universe is listening.

What a great question.

We moved onto other things but, this question stayed with me and I journaled about it today.

I realised that I feel powerful using my voice, so when I feel that things aren’t flowing like I want them to, if I feel insecure or afraid, that if I get ranty, then I get to feel powerful.

I am in control.

I am brave.

I am powerful.

I am doing something.

But this is an illusion.

I realised today that silence and being is just as powerful.

The more I am in my centre, the more I am me, the more I surrender and trust, the more powerful I am.

Using my voice is of course important, but so is being silent and sitting in the space of my magnificent being, even if that sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable.

Knowing and trusting that the universe hears my whispers, my silent prayers and dreams even clearer than when I am all demanding and ranty.

Maybe my power is not only in the words I use, but the space I hold, my vulnerability and my energy.

By being me.

That my true power is in the quiet when I can hear the whispers of the universe, reminding me how loved and supported I truly am.

You truly are magnificent.

Perception of failure and quitting.

I’m no quitter

Failure isn’t an option.

I hate to fail.

Quitting is for the weak.

Bullshit!

Our fear of failure and perception of quitting often means we stay in shit situations, crap relationships and friendships, jobs etc for far too long that is healthy for us. Our EGO state says that if we leave or quit then we are a failure or have failed. So instead of moving on, we stay the same because of this false belief from our EGO that to stay is safer, to keep going despite all the signs saying it isn’t working is better than trying something new, that what is known is safer than the unknown.

This is not always a healthy belief to have and keeps us small and imprisoned in the illusion of fear.  The most successful people have failed more times than most have even attempted, and they walk away when it no longer feels right.

There are times to stay and there are times to quit. This is where we need to challenge if this is our EGO state, a belief and fear that is keeping us in situations.

What am I afraid of?

Am I afraid to move on?

Do I fear failure?

Do I fear judgement from myself and others?

Do I believe that I don’t deserve anything better?

Let me say here that I get it.  I stayed in a relationship that I knew very early on wasn’t right for me, with a man who cheated because I was scared.

Scared that people would judge me a loser for it not working.

Scared people would think I was a quitter.

Scared that I was a failure.

Such bullshit!

When I did leave nobody thought that of me, and if they did, it was none of my business. Looking back now I am really grateful for that relationship as it changed me and challenged many beliefs I had and made me adjust the path I was on, onto the path that felt far better for me. 

I was no longer in energetic alignment to that relationship.  It was the best decision to move away from it. It meant that I gave myself permission to say yes to me, and to learn discernment and to follow my intuition and leave other friendships and situations that were no longer in alignment for me.

I no longer see failure as a bad thing. 

It is an opportunity to learn, to grow and to readjust your course.

It is an opportunity to invite something better into your life, something that is more in alignment to your energy and what you are needing.

It is an opportunity to follow what lights you up, what feels good.

It is an opportunity to say yes to you.

You truly are magnificent.