Bypassing our Negativity

Many years ago I met a women who was proud that she was a really positive person. It was one of the very first things she said to me. She wore it like a badge of honour and looked down on people who were negative and believed that by not acknowledging the negative that it did not exist.  

The funny thing is though, she didn’t really act like she was happy, nor positive other than the words she spoke.  Being sensitive, I could feel her energy and she was not radiating joy and happiness. In fact her energy wasn’t positive at all.  

I got talking to her and she shared that her father had recently passed away.  I asked her how she was. At first she started sprouting all the cliché positive stuff when someone passes.  I touched her on the shoulder and I made a comment that yes, even though those sentiments are all true, it is still sad when someone you love passes on and the human part of us feels really sad when that happens and it is ok to feel that grief.

She broke down.

She hadn’t allowed herself to grieve, because of this positive bullshit belief she had going on. She used positivity as a shield, a brick wall, as she thought that she couldn’t get hurt and she wouldn’t have to feel.

When we don’t allow ourselves to feel any negative emotions, we call it bypassing.

This is not a healthy response for many reasons. 

When crappy things happen, if we don’t allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling and rather stuff the emotions down (often using things like food, drugs, alcohol, sex, excessive exercise etc) we suppress the emotions. This does not mean that those emotions do not exist.  The body and unconscious are storing these emotions, until a time when you are either ready to deal with them, or you are forced to deal with them. Something happens that all those suppressed emotions come up.  Often this something is totally unrelated and can be quite minor or it can be a big thing that seems even bigger because of the underlying issues.

Everybody suppresses emotions.

Many are supressing because they don’t want to feel.

We spend so much time and energy trying to not feel.

We are terrified of our emotions, because we may feel out of control, they often feel so big and overwhelming and many have not been encourage to express their emotions as children, so they have no idea how to feel them as adults.

When we do not want to feel the negative, we also don’t feel the positives as deeply either.

We can become numb and life losses its colour.

Here is the thing. 

The quicker you feel it, the quicker it moves through you and dissipates and you can move on.

When you feel it and it moves through you, you do not store it negatively in your body, as it has already been expressed.

We need to stop judging our emotions and start seeing them as a guidance system and start to allow ourselves to feel them.

Now I am not suggesting that you have a pity party and wallow around in your negative crap and wear that shit like a jacket of negativity. That is far from helpful. It is ok to feel the emotion, without judgement, let it move through your body and then you are able to move into higher states of being this way. 

The only way is through. 

Our emotions are beautiful.

Our emotions are powerful.

Our emotions allow us to shift our consciousness.

We are emotional beings and our emotions are a gift. 

If you need help with your emotional intelligence or baggage, book a session and lets start getting you back to centre and in your power.

You truly are magnificent.

Lessons learnt behind closed doors.

Before the hard lockdown, in between the lockdowns, here in Melbourne, I had a kinesiology session. I always walk my talk and I had some stuff come up around friendships and my feelings around that.  During this session I had to look at some beliefs around living my life and what that means to me, who I want in it, how I want to be treated, what I want to do etc.  

It came up during the session that for me, I was more afraid of not being able to live my life on my terms then death.

So the loom of a hard lockdown did not go down well.

It literally felt like dying.

This session helped so much, both in how I managed lockdown and clarity around what freedom meant to me and my life.

One of the things I identified and actioned to help me move forward was how I wanted to feel each day. By tuning into my inner guidance, asking myself the question and doing what my inner wisdom told me to do, I took back my power. I was fully responsible for what my day looked and felt like, what I was being, and doing. It felt so much better than being a victim to outside circumstances.

You see I get to decide how I want to feel each day, so How did I want to go about me day.   

Freedom comes from within me, and not be any government or media outlet.

Most days it was to bring joy, to feel light and free and allow the sunshine or the light in each day.

I asked my inner guidance how I could bring in the joy each day.

What did that look like?

It varied each day and sometimes moment to moment. Here are some of the things that I did and have continued to do.

Reading a book on my front step in the sunshine and seeing and connecting with people walking past.

A coffee purchased from a local coffee shop made by lovely people.

Certain foods for lunch.

Doing a jigsaw puzzle.

Knitting a few squares of my scrapping blanket.

Ringing or catching up with friends on zoom.

Colouring in.

Listening to something on Youtube, playing my favourite music or song or watching a movie.

Going for a walk.

Journaling.

Meditating.

Having a bath.

It was surprising how simple some of those things were that gave me so much joy.

One of the best lessons I have learnt coming out the other end of lockdown is that identifying how my attitude and perspective around everything is where my power lies. I can choose in any given moment, how I want to feel, what something means to me and changing my view on that thing if I need or choose to. It means allowing myself to be in my power to be me fully and unapologetically. I can make something mean something or nothing.

It felt so freeing.

That by being me and shining my light brightly out into the world, whatever I am doing, is the most important thing for me to do.

Not water myself down.

Not censoring myself.

Not making myself less than the bloody amazing human being that I am.

Not allowing shitty stories and thoughts dictate who I am and how I interact with people.

Being the shiniest version of me I can be.

Do you know what gives you joy or things you can do to help you feel the way you want to feel?

What a fantastic education this life is and in particular 2020.

What a time to be alive.

Always remember.

You truly are magnificent.

You are immensely valuable.

I have been seeing a lot of people posting about using this physical distancing time on self-development, bettering themselves and using the time wisely.

Essentially replacing our previous busyiness into a new busyiness,

There has been a belief that busy and doing equated to being valuable. Now that we are not as busy and our lives have slowed down, the external markers of validation are simpler not there.

So to prove our worth, to be valuable, we must improve ourselves right?

The thing is that at the moment our nervous system and flight/fight response maybe doing weird things.

We may be struggling with concentration, have trouble sleeping, got no motivation and or feeling fearful.

There is 2 markers that have an impact in traumatic experiences

  1. The feeling of not being able to escape.
  2. Not being able to work out or make sense of something.

Both of those are currently happening in most people lives.

We are learning how to BE versus how to DO.

We are being invited to break the belief of needing external validation and learning to value and embrace our being.

If you are loving self-development, have high motivation, have creative ideas and being innovative, fantastic! Keep on going.

If you aren’t or know someone who isn’t, please be kind.  Don’t feel ashamed or bad that you are not feeling it. Sitting and watching TV or reading a book is also valuable.

You are immensely valuable.

You truly are magnificent.

Sometimes a whisper is more powerful than a roar.

On the weekend I was getting a bit ranty and frustrated with the universe and voicing this to a friend of mine.  She asked me if on some level I needed to get all angry and ranty, to know that the universe is listening.

What a great question.

We moved onto other things but, this question stayed with me and I journaled about it today.

I realised that I feel powerful using my voice, so when I feel that things aren’t flowing like I want them to, if I feel insecure or afraid, that if I get ranty, then I get to feel powerful.

I am in control.

I am brave.

I am powerful.

I am doing something.

But this is an illusion.

I realised today that silence and being is just as powerful.

The more I am in my centre, the more I am me, the more I surrender and trust, the more powerful I am.

Using my voice is of course important, but so is being silent and sitting in the space of my magnificent being, even if that sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable.

Knowing and trusting that the universe hears my whispers, my silent prayers and dreams even clearer than when I am all demanding and ranty.

Maybe my power is not only in the words I use, but the space I hold, my vulnerability and my energy.

By being me.

That my true power is in the quiet when I can hear the whispers of the universe, reminding me how loved and supported I truly am.

You truly are magnificent.

You are home.

You are more than you have ever been allowed to believe. 

You are more than your body, the bits you hate. 

You are more than the roles you play, the job you do, the money you have or don’t have. 

You are light and dark and weird and wonderful.

You are unique.

So unique that there is nobody else like you on this planet, the universe, the multiverse, or beyond time and space.

It is time to stop being beige and blending in to the background, no longer able to be seen. 

It is time for you to be colourful and full of life and seen in all your magnificent glory. 

It is time for your unique energy and light be fully in this world. 

Only you can be YOU, so start living and embodying YOU fully. 

Stop being afraid of your power.

You are powerful.

Stop being afraid that you are too much or not enough.

You are perfectly you.  

Stop being afraid that no one will love you.

You are love.  

Stop believing that there is something wrong with you.

Those experiences make you YOU, make you human.

Stop trying to conform and do what is expected, it only makes you boring.

Start being the magnificent being that you are, that you choose to be in this lifetime.  

Start to love and accept yourself.

Start to embrace who you are.

Start to love fiercely and bravely. 

Do what lights you up. 

Do what you love. 

Be the person you so dearly want in your life, the one you have been searching for. 

Connect to your inner wisdom, your power, your infinite being.

Embrace all of your amazing body.

It allows you to experience so much.  

Embrace the magnificent being that you are.

It is time magnificent one.

You are the one you have been waiting for. 

You are home dear one. 

You are home. 

You truly are magnificent.

Acceptance

So many people are suffering and in pain due to their resistance to where they are at or what they are feeling. Before we can fully more forward, we have to accept where we currently are.  The other night I was out with a friend and I found myself complaining about a current situation I am in.  The next day I was reflecting on our conversation and I realised that I was in resistance to what is.  This resistance can show up in the stories you tell, or the thoughts that you have, the excuses you make or the blame that you make, for me it was coming up with the complaining I was doing and the internal dialogue around it.  I was actually really sick of this story that I had going on.  It was starting to bore me, a sure sign that it was time to let it go. So I took a deep breath and accepted where I currently am. I did some work around the resistance and got honest with myself.

What was I getting from staying in the resistance?

What fear was coming up around my current situation?

What do I need to move forward?

Once I asked the questions and owned my answers, letting go of the self-talk, the stories on repeat and my complaining, I decided to accept my situation. Once I accepted it without judgement or beating myself up over it and everything that entails, like my decisions, my actions or lack of, my resistance, all of it, I felt lighter. I could see that it was in the resistance that I was blocking flow.  In the resistance was my fear of the past and moving forward. In the resistance was my lack of trust in myself and the universe.  In the resistance was my feeling of not being enough. When you give yourself permission to be in acceptance, then it is easier to move forward and upward. Acceptance comes with kindness, compassion and no judgment. From this place I can see and feel clearly again, reconnected to my inner guidance and trust my intuition and take inspired action.

I also help clients see that it is ok to be who they are, to be where they are and to feel like they do.  My job is to unravel the stories, excuses, blame, fear and thoughts, with love, to show you that there is more, that they are not true and do not have to dictate who you are and what you can achieve. I unravel these stories, so that you can step ever closer to who you are, embracing the magnificent being that you are, underneath all the stories and be empowered to love and accept who you are and thrive in your life.  There is such power in acceptance. You truly are magnificent.

Letting Go

I have been holding a hand of cards so close because I think that they are a good hand but forgetting what that hand is or even the game I am playing. It is time for those cards to move away from my chest and it scares me. What if those cards are actually shit? What if I have been wasting my time and energy? What if they are as good as they get and they are not enough? What if I am playing the wrong game and the cards are meaningless? So I move them back to my chest even closer.

It is safer this way.

It is soul destroying.

I deserve more than this game, this illusion of safety.

I can’t even remember why I am playing it, but I feel like I have been told it is a good thing to play, to conform, to not stand out. But is it?

I don’t want to hold those cards anymore as they are an illusion that is keeping me stuck and stagnant and not doing the stuff I am meant to be doing. Those cards represent a standard that has been thrust upon me when I never wanted to play the game. It does not suit me, my talents, my gifts, the things I love and value.

Can I stop playing? Am I allowed to stop and move onto something meaningful to me?

It is scary to do something new and different.  Do I have the courage?

Then I remember.

I am loved.  I am powerful. I am supported. The Universe always has my back.  My differences are my strengths.

I have done things differently before and it was amazing.  This fear is an illusion and it can’t actually kill me. I thank the fear for doing it’s job of keeping me safe, but I remind fear that I am the one living this life and I choose greater, to be seen, to be heard to be me,  to be excited about what is next.  So I lift those cards away, having faith that I am taken care of. I don’t look at the cards, knowing that they are not what I want or need or even exist.

I realise as my hands are now free that I have not been able to receive anything new, because my hands have been taken up with an ideal that is less than I deserve.  Those hands have been covering my heart out of protection, but I want to feel. I want to connect to that magical amazing place within. This is my power.  This is my beauty. This is amazing.

I can start to feel the energy and abundance start to flow again.

Oh I remember this.

I am loved. I am loving.

No fear. Courage and a commitment to myself. I am worthy, even if sometimes I forget how extraordinary I am. It is time to remember. Time to bank myself.  I allow. I receive.  I accept. I am grateful. I am magnificent and so are you.