Lessons learnt behind closed doors.

Before the hard lockdown, in between the lockdowns, here in Melbourne, I had a kinesiology session. I always walk my talk and I had some stuff come up around friendships and my feelings around that.  During this session I had to look at some beliefs around living my life and what that means to me, who I want in it, how I want to be treated, what I want to do etc.  

It came up during the session that for me, I was more afraid of not being able to live my life on my terms then death.

So the loom of a hard lockdown did not go down well.

It literally felt like dying.

This session helped so much, both in how I managed lockdown and clarity around what freedom meant to me and my life.

One of the things I identified and actioned to help me move forward was how I wanted to feel each day. By tuning into my inner guidance, asking myself the question and doing what my inner wisdom told me to do, I took back my power. I was fully responsible for what my day looked and felt like, what I was being, and doing. It felt so much better than being a victim to outside circumstances.

You see I get to decide how I want to feel each day, so How did I want to go about me day.   

Freedom comes from within me, and not be any government or media outlet.

Most days it was to bring joy, to feel light and free and allow the sunshine or the light in each day.

I asked my inner guidance how I could bring in the joy each day.

What did that look like?

It varied each day and sometimes moment to moment. Here are some of the things that I did and have continued to do.

Reading a book on my front step in the sunshine and seeing and connecting with people walking past.

A coffee purchased from a local coffee shop made by lovely people.

Certain foods for lunch.

Doing a jigsaw puzzle.

Knitting a few squares of my scrapping blanket.

Ringing or catching up with friends on zoom.

Colouring in.

Listening to something on Youtube, playing my favourite music or song or watching a movie.

Going for a walk.

Journaling.

Meditating.

Having a bath.

It was surprising how simple some of those things were that gave me so much joy.

One of the best lessons I have learnt coming out the other end of lockdown is that identifying how my attitude and perspective around everything is where my power lies. I can choose in any given moment, how I want to feel, what something means to me and changing my view on that thing if I need or choose to. It means allowing myself to be in my power to be me fully and unapologetically. I can make something mean something or nothing.

It felt so freeing.

That by being me and shining my light brightly out into the world, whatever I am doing, is the most important thing for me to do.

Not water myself down.

Not censoring myself.

Not making myself less than the bloody amazing human being that I am.

Not allowing shitty stories and thoughts dictate who I am and how I interact with people.

Being the shiniest version of me I can be.

Do you know what gives you joy or things you can do to help you feel the way you want to feel?

What a fantastic education this life is and in particular 2020.

What a time to be alive.

Always remember.

You truly are magnificent.

The Inner Critic

Years ago I was in New Zealand, at a place called Lake Taupo. I decided to go bungee jumping. I was all strapped up in the harness and was standing on the platform ready to jump.

Leading up to this moment my inner critic had been screaming at me to not do it. It was saying lots of crap things, like you are too big for this, people will know how big you truly are and be disgusted by you, people are going to laugh at you and make fun of you, what will people say!, you have too many old sporting injuries, only athletic people do crazy shit like this and blah blah blah.

It was awful.

The things is though, underneath all the bullshit, I knew it was right and safe for me to do it.

I knew it was something I had to do.

I was at the precipice.

There was this moment before I jumped, that looking back I realised I could have chosen to jump or back out. Both would have taken the same amount of energy. That’s right in that moment, both options would have taken the exact same effort.

To walk away would have been an effort and required energy.

To jump would have taken effort and required energy.

Then I decided and everything was clear.

No thoughts.

I jumped.

It was an amazing feeling, free falling and seeing everything. It helped it was a beautiful location.

It was a truly awesome feeling and such a natural high, that I felt all that day.

If I had chosen to listen to my inner critic and backed away and went back to the car, that would have been ok, but I would have missed out on a really awesome experience, that nothing I have done in my life before or since has felt like.

The crappy things my inner critic was saying was not a good enough reason for not jumping.

I had researched the safety of Bungee jumping and the company. It was in NZ where the safety standards are high. I knew that it was safe for me, but I also knew the risks and was willing to give it a go. All the other things it was saying was part of my own insecurities being used against me, but they were all irrelevant.

I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me, as jumping was more important to me. Nobody knew me and in a few days’ time I was getting on a plane back to Melbourne.

But here is the thing.

Everyone was so nice and supportive. They were excited for me to be doing it. They loved that I was brave enough to do it! If they were judging me, I never felt it. It was something that I could not control anyway nor was there judgement about me any of my business.

I showed up.

I jumped and it was amazing!

I’m glad I did not let that voice win and be the boss. I have used that experience since to remind myself how brave I am and i can do anything that I choose to do.

Is it time that you challenged your inner Critic?

Always remember

You truly are magnificent.

Anger and Grief

Many I have spoken to are feeling a combination of anger and grief.

Anger at the injustice of the virus and the changes forced upon us.

Anger at the poor communication and leadership at the head of our country.

Anger at the messages that the economy is more important than human lives.

Anger at some people not being responsible and putting others in danger and the disregard for our fellow human beings.

Anger at the loss of businesses, jobs, salary and wages and security.

So much anger.

Then along comes grief.

Grief around the changes forced upon us.

Grief at the realisation of how much of an illusion we were under.

Grief on being isolated and away from friends and family.

Grief for a loss of routine and the way we were living.

Grief at the loss of our perceived safety and security.

Grief of not knowing what is next.

These type of feeling and emotions are the ones that we usually try really hard not to engage in. 

They are so uncomfortable.

Now we are being forced to slow down and to start listening and processing these emotions.

This is not a bad thing, even though it may feel really terrible at the moment.

We are feeling angry because we feel out of control and frustrated.

We are feeling grief to release what we no longer need.

Whatever you are feeling is ok. It is going to change throughout the day. Allow and accept how you are feeling.

It is in the resistance that we start to suffer.

If you need to cry, cry.

If you need to yell, then yell into a pillow.

If you need to vent, then vent.

If you need to move your body, move your body.

If you need to sit with it, then sit.

We are being asked to self soothe and not many people know how to do this, so start by being kind to yourself.

When you are ready, some self-reflection is a great way to move through the emotions and to gain wisdom.

Anger is an opportunity. Anger means that you are not understanding something.

Look at where and what you are angry about and see if there is an opportunity.

What are you not understanding?

Could you do something like write to your local MP, start a side business that you have been dreaming about for years, reach out and help a neighbour?

Grief needs to be processed by you alone and at your own time.

Some self-reflection questions for this could be

What am I needing or ready to let go of?

What is the lesson here for me?

The quicker we can move to acceptance, the quicker we can end our own suffering and be able to move forward in a calmer and more relaxed manner.

As always remember,

You truly are magnificent.

Trust

Trust has been a theme in clinic over the last few weeks and we have had lots of discussions around what trust means and feels like.

I have often heard from clients that they have trust issues and it is something that I used to say too. 

Trust is something that needs to be built.

This is why when it is broken it can be so devastating. It takes time.

Trust is something that we feel and build within.

I heard a great analogy of trust used recently. You wouldn’t step out onto a bridge that is made of a twig. You can tell by looking at it that it will not hold you.  So you build that bridge up with larger logs and maybe some planks of wood or other materials to make it strong, until you look at it and it feels right. You then step up and you make the first step, testing it first, then adding more pressure until you can step fully onto it. You build trust in the bridge until you don’t even have to think about it, you know it feels right.

If you had stepped out onto that twig in the first place, even though your intuition was saying no, and you feel off and hurt yourself, how can you say that you have trust issues?

And yet this is what so many of us do.

Most of our trust issues are actually our lack of trust of ourselves. This then flows onto lacking trust in our relationships and the universe.

We can build trust within.

Do you check in to your own wisdom or do you go externally for your answers?

Even when other people are saying that you should be doing something that would be good for you, if you know in your gut and in your heart that it is not for you, then walk away, say No and own your decision.

You don’t need to know why, you only have to trust it.

You do not have to justify yourself and your decisions.

It is no one else’s business but your own.

I have listened to other people in the past, rather than my own intuition. I defaulted to their advice rather than listening to my own intuition, because they know better, right?

Or I didn’t listen to my intuition, because my logical brain was saying this is a great opportunity and other people are doing it, so it must be good for me too. 

I followed my logic, which is often linked to my fear programs instead of my intuition. 

It didn’t end well. 

I then got angry for not trusting myself and backing those feelings.

What a great lesson to have though!

Now that I know better, I honour my intuition and follow it.  I challenge my fear and insecurities and don’t let them dictate my decisions, or hide behind logic.  I have built trust within myself, so that now I know that I can trust the universe and those around me, because my intuition is going to let me know when something is wrong and I will follow it.

I trust myself and I trust the universe completely.

It is OK to go against others opinions. It is OK to do things your way, even when nobody else understands it.

You may not even understand it at the time, and that it ok too!

It is a must to trust those feelings, as that is how trust is built.

It is your life and you get to choose how you live it.

Is it time to trust yourself? 

You are truly magnificent.

Sometimes a whisper is more powerful than a roar.

On the weekend I was getting a bit ranty and frustrated with the universe and voicing this to a friend of mine.  She asked me if on some level I needed to get all angry and ranty, to know that the universe is listening.

What a great question.

We moved onto other things but, this question stayed with me and I journaled about it today.

I realised that I feel powerful using my voice, so when I feel that things aren’t flowing like I want them to, if I feel insecure or afraid, that if I get ranty, then I get to feel powerful.

I am in control.

I am brave.

I am powerful.

I am doing something.

But this is an illusion.

I realised today that silence and being is just as powerful.

The more I am in my centre, the more I am me, the more I surrender and trust, the more powerful I am.

Using my voice is of course important, but so is being silent and sitting in the space of my magnificent being, even if that sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable.

Knowing and trusting that the universe hears my whispers, my silent prayers and dreams even clearer than when I am all demanding and ranty.

Maybe my power is not only in the words I use, but the space I hold, my vulnerability and my energy.

By being me.

That my true power is in the quiet when I can hear the whispers of the universe, reminding me how loved and supported I truly am.

You truly are magnificent.

Perception of failure and quitting.

I’m no quitter

Failure isn’t an option.

I hate to fail.

Quitting is for the weak.

Bullshit!

Our fear of failure and perception of quitting often means we stay in shit situations, crap relationships and friendships, jobs etc for far too long that is healthy for us. Our EGO state says that if we leave or quit then we are a failure or have failed. So instead of moving on, we stay the same because of this false belief from our EGO that to stay is safer, to keep going despite all the signs saying it isn’t working is better than trying something new, that what is known is safer than the unknown.

This is not always a healthy belief to have and keeps us small and imprisoned in the illusion of fear.  The most successful people have failed more times than most have even attempted, and they walk away when it no longer feels right.

There are times to stay and there are times to quit. This is where we need to challenge if this is our EGO state, a belief and fear that is keeping us in situations.

What am I afraid of?

Am I afraid to move on?

Do I fear failure?

Do I fear judgement from myself and others?

Do I believe that I don’t deserve anything better?

Let me say here that I get it.  I stayed in a relationship that I knew very early on wasn’t right for me, with a man who cheated because I was scared.

Scared that people would judge me a loser for it not working.

Scared people would think I was a quitter.

Scared that I was a failure.

Such bullshit!

When I did leave nobody thought that of me, and if they did, it was none of my business. Looking back now I am really grateful for that relationship as it changed me and challenged many beliefs I had and made me adjust the path I was on, onto the path that felt far better for me. 

I was no longer in energetic alignment to that relationship.  It was the best decision to move away from it. It meant that I gave myself permission to say yes to me, and to learn discernment and to follow my intuition and leave other friendships and situations that were no longer in alignment for me.

I no longer see failure as a bad thing. 

It is an opportunity to learn, to grow and to readjust your course.

It is an opportunity to invite something better into your life, something that is more in alignment to your energy and what you are needing.

It is an opportunity to follow what lights you up, what feels good.

It is an opportunity to say yes to you.

You truly are magnificent.

I am not doing enough!

I’m not doing enough.

I hear this often from clients and friends. I too have fallen into the not doing enough trap.

People refuse to take breaks or have down time during the day and instead are always on the go. People have to pushing and forcing stuff to happen in their life. Life has become something we must be doing and achieving and being productive all the time, busyness is something to brag about, something that is held in high regard, something that means we are a contributing and a valuable member of society. This doesn’t mean that we are being busy efficiently and get heaps done either. How much time do we waste with mundane and usually worthless activities? The more we do the better we are, right?

This need to always be busy comes from a state of fear and judgement.

There is many fears involved here. Fear of lack and not having enough, fear of judgment (what if someone thinks I am lazy!), fear of being out of control or not in control, lack of trust in the universe and those around us, fear of being still and quiet (what will I find out about myself or how will I feel in the silence?), fear of being weak and of course not doing enough.

All of this is hiding the underlying fear.

That fear?

I am not enough.

I have to do something to be worthy and deserving. The more I do the better I feel about myself.  That I have value.  That I am important. If I’m not busy then what?

I am not enough.

No amount of doing and forcing and being busy will address the underlying feeling of not enough. Busyness for the sake of busy is a time waster. It is a band aide fix on an arterial bleed. It is looking for validation outside of yourself, hoping someone will notice that your busyness makes you are a good person.

Your worth is not found there.

You being enough is an inside job.

You find it within yourself.

Because it has ALWAYS been there.

YOU are ENOUGH.

You always have been.

You always will be.

You truly are magnificent.

Acceptance

So many people are suffering and in pain due to their resistance to where they are at or what they are feeling. Before we can fully more forward, we have to accept where we currently are.  The other night I was out with a friend and I found myself complaining about a current situation I am in.  The next day I was reflecting on our conversation and I realised that I was in resistance to what is.  This resistance can show up in the stories you tell, or the thoughts that you have, the excuses you make or the blame that you make, for me it was coming up with the complaining I was doing and the internal dialogue around it.  I was actually really sick of this story that I had going on.  It was starting to bore me, a sure sign that it was time to let it go. So I took a deep breath and accepted where I currently am. I did some work around the resistance and got honest with myself.

What was I getting from staying in the resistance?

What fear was coming up around my current situation?

What do I need to move forward?

Once I asked the questions and owned my answers, letting go of the self-talk, the stories on repeat and my complaining, I decided to accept my situation. Once I accepted it without judgement or beating myself up over it and everything that entails, like my decisions, my actions or lack of, my resistance, all of it, I felt lighter. I could see that it was in the resistance that I was blocking flow.  In the resistance was my fear of the past and moving forward. In the resistance was my lack of trust in myself and the universe.  In the resistance was my feeling of not being enough. When you give yourself permission to be in acceptance, then it is easier to move forward and upward. Acceptance comes with kindness, compassion and no judgment. From this place I can see and feel clearly again, reconnected to my inner guidance and trust my intuition and take inspired action.

I also help clients see that it is ok to be who they are, to be where they are and to feel like they do.  My job is to unravel the stories, excuses, blame, fear and thoughts, with love, to show you that there is more, that they are not true and do not have to dictate who you are and what you can achieve. I unravel these stories, so that you can step ever closer to who you are, embracing the magnificent being that you are, underneath all the stories and be empowered to love and accept who you are and thrive in your life.  There is such power in acceptance. You truly are magnificent.

Choose your pain.

How often has someone in your life not treated you the way that you should be treated and you have allowed it by not speaking up for yourself or speaking your truth? Or perhaps you get walked all over by people because you have really loose or non-existent boundaries.

There are many reasons why you do this, most of them grounded in fear and unworthiness. You may have learnt to keep the peace and not rock the boat, so you stay quiet.

I often hear from people that they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings by standing up for themselves. You don’t know how the other person will react, that they won’t like it if you call out crappy behaviour, stand up for yourself or set boundaries.

You want the other person to like you and for you to feel like you fit in, so you enable the behaviour by saying nothing.  You make excuses for another’s behaviour because deep down you think that you don’t deserve better.

So you make the decision, you choose to stay quiet, even though you may be angry or upset at another’s behaviour and are really sick of these circumstances constantly showing up for you and how you are being treated.

You often have to choose your pain in these situations.

What do I mean by choose your pain?

You have to choose which pain you can live with in this situation. When you can be ok with your choices and the pain you choose, you take back your power.

If you say nothing, enabling the behaviour, then this will often lead to anger, resentment and often dreading seeing the person or the same thing happening with multiple people.  This can affect your self-worth and self-esteem and you may feel a sense of being a victim, as you are giving your power away to someone else and allowing them to dictate to you what happens in your own life.

Can you live with that anger and resentment?

Is it ok for you to say nothing?

If you say something, you don’t know what the person will say or how they will react, which can lead to feeling uncomfortable because of the unknown. You will set your boundaries and communicate this and the person will know where you stand, but you cannot control how the other person will receive this or if they will be happy with your choices.

Saying something will lead to feelings of empowerment, self-confidence and self-esteem even though at first you will feel uncomfortable, especially if you are not used to communicating in this way.

Are you ok with feeling uncomfortable speaking your truth?

Often by saying something you will have short term pain as the other person adjusts to your boundaries, but you will have long term gains as you communicate where you stand and what you are and are not willing to tolerate.

We also have to stop worrying about the other person and how they will feel. You cannot pave the way for another, especially out of fear. If you are communicating your truth from the heart and with integrity, and the other person does not appreciate that or agree with you, then that is on them, not you.

This is ok.

This type of communication can make us feel really vulnerable and it does take practice, but with that vulnerability comes courage, strength and your ability to thrive in your life and stand in your power.

Most of us will do anything to not feel uncomfortable, but it is through our discomfort that we learn the most. Your choices have a huge impact on your life. So whether you choose to stay quiet or choose to say something, know that your choices will cause some level of pain and will have an impact on your life and your future.

You deserve so much and it is time to remember how magnificent you truly are.