Boundaries

I have had many conversations over the years around boundaries. The last few weeks it is a theme amongst many of my business clients, as they are struggling with setting boundaries, boundaries not being respected by others or people who have no boundaries.

If you are not setting your boundaries, others will.

We want to help, to offer our services, make money to support ourselves and our families, that we often accommodate people to the detriment of ourselves.

This can lead to burnout, resentment, fatigue and anger. Not a great place to be, especially offering our services.

It is your responsibility and part of your job to set your boundaries, to honour them and communicate them.

So why do people lack boundaries?

There are many reasons.

Fear of how other people will react to our boundaries and not wanting to be confrontational.

Lack of self-worth and self-respect.

Inability to say no.

Don’t know how to communicate or set your boundaries.

Constantly giving your power away to other people.

Expecting others (people, organisations, government) to set rules for you, rather than listening to your own inner guidance and do what is right for you.

Needing to please other people.

So what does boundaries look like, feel like, and sound like to you?

This will depend entirely on you.

Your energy. The amount of money you want to earn. How much work you are able to physically do and be healthy. Your other commitments around family, your partner, friends, social and sport etc. What you will tolerate and what you won’t. What your values are and what is important to you.

If you are setting new boundaries, then others may not like that, as they are used to you being a certain way that benefitted them. 

It is not your problem how they react and is totally outside your control.

Each time you stay firm in your boundaries, you are sending a clear message that you value yourself. The more you do this, the easy it gets and the more people will respect you.

Do you know that you have to set a new boundary in life or business?

I would love to help you uncover the underlying belief systems and emotions that are holding you back. Bookings through my website.

You truly are magnificent.

Your body is always listening.

There is much emphasis on food and nutrition, and rightly so, but there is a huge component of health and well-being that also has a huge impact. This component?

Our minds.

Our mindset.

Our beliefs.

Our thoughts.

Putting it simply if your beliefs and thoughts are crap, then your wellbeing and life usually are too.

You see our body is constantly listening. What your dominate thoughts and beliefs are, what you feed your subconscious, is your truth.

My Life is crap. True.

Life is hard. True.

I am not worthy. True.

As well as positive like.

I am good enough. True.

I am smart. True.

Money comes to me easily. True.

So how does our beliefs and thoughts affect us?

The ruler of the body is the subconscious mind. It is in charge of all the automatic functions of the body.  Digestion, your heat beating, your breathing, circulation of your blood, the making of hormones, assimilation, elimination of waste products and so much more.  It holds and stores memories, emotions and trauma. It is in charge of our instincts and our habits. It has resources at its disposal to keep us alive, to build and repair our bodies. It is attached to the universal mind or quantum field and has infinite possibilities and power at its disposal.  It works whether we are asleep or awake.

The subconscious mind does not think.

It does not judge.

It does not reject.

It uses exactly what it is given by the conscious mind.

The ruler of the sub conscious mind is the conscious mind. The two are constantly talking and responding to each other.  

Our conscious mind perceives, reasons, chooses, rejects and judges. It gives us the power to think, to know, to feel.  It gathers information from our external environment, as well as from our bodies and our subconscious mind, from our senses and we use our reasoning power to make sense of it, to judge, reject or accept.

If we accept a thought, idea or belief, then it is carried to the subconscious mind to be acted on.

It doesn’t matter if that thought, idea or belief is positive or negative, if the conscious mind accepts it, then it goes into the subconscious.

A lot of these beliefs and patterns and thoughts we learnt, constructed, inherited, witnessed or experienced are from childhood, so we often have no idea what they are or you may be fully aware of them.

An example of this is when you were at school, a teacher made a comment or laughed at your art work not being very good.  You created this belief that you suck at art.  So this belief your conscious mind has chosen to accept goes through to the sub conscious. All the thoughts in your head are about how bad you are at art, how people laugh at you if you create anything, so you believe that you’re not creative.  Then as an adult you want to try some new creative pursuits, but the thoughts in your head are saying you are not creative, because the pattern in your body is that when you try to be creative you have a fear reaction due to what you experienced as a kid with emotions like shame, humiliation, frustration etc thrown in for good measure. It doesn’t feel good. So you stop or never try to be creative.

If you are constantly telling yourself that you can’t do something, or you are always sick, or you are unlucky in love or whatever else you tell yourself, guess what?  You are right and you will go looking for validation of that belief, because the body is always listening.

The good news is we can change patterns, ideas and thoughts, therefore changing the subconscious too.

It starts with awareness.

What are you saying to yourself?

What do you believe?

What do you often say?

What stories do you tell?

It starts with changing our thoughts and perceptions.

It starts with challenging all your beliefs and thoughts.

You are not your thoughts.

You can change your beliefs.

This work is powerful and empowering.

I love helping people shift out of their crap, and showing them where their power lies.

When we start to address, challenge and change our perceptions, life also starts to change.  When we become aware of our beliefs, stop believing our thoughts, get help (because it is so much easier for someone to help us in this work) life becomes so much easier.

Because you are worthy of being happy, but you have to choose it.

You have to make the steps to change. Click on the book now button to start to thrive in your life.

This work has changed my life, so I know how powerful it is.

You truly are magnificent.

Lessons learnt behind closed doors.

Before the hard lockdown, in between the lockdowns, here in Melbourne, I had a kinesiology session. I always walk my talk and I had some stuff come up around friendships and my feelings around that.  During this session I had to look at some beliefs around living my life and what that means to me, who I want in it, how I want to be treated, what I want to do etc.  

It came up during the session that for me, I was more afraid of not being able to live my life on my terms then death.

So the loom of a hard lockdown did not go down well.

It literally felt like dying.

This session helped so much, both in how I managed lockdown and clarity around what freedom meant to me and my life.

One of the things I identified and actioned to help me move forward was how I wanted to feel each day. By tuning into my inner guidance, asking myself the question and doing what my inner wisdom told me to do, I took back my power. I was fully responsible for what my day looked and felt like, what I was being, and doing. It felt so much better than being a victim to outside circumstances.

You see I get to decide how I want to feel each day, so How did I want to go about me day.   

Freedom comes from within me, and not be any government or media outlet.

Most days it was to bring joy, to feel light and free and allow the sunshine or the light in each day.

I asked my inner guidance how I could bring in the joy each day.

What did that look like?

It varied each day and sometimes moment to moment. Here are some of the things that I did and have continued to do.

Reading a book on my front step in the sunshine and seeing and connecting with people walking past.

A coffee purchased from a local coffee shop made by lovely people.

Certain foods for lunch.

Doing a jigsaw puzzle.

Knitting a few squares of my scrapping blanket.

Ringing or catching up with friends on zoom.

Colouring in.

Listening to something on Youtube, playing my favourite music or song or watching a movie.

Going for a walk.

Journaling.

Meditating.

Having a bath.

It was surprising how simple some of those things were that gave me so much joy.

One of the best lessons I have learnt coming out the other end of lockdown is that identifying how my attitude and perspective around everything is where my power lies. I can choose in any given moment, how I want to feel, what something means to me and changing my view on that thing if I need or choose to. It means allowing myself to be in my power to be me fully and unapologetically. I can make something mean something or nothing.

It felt so freeing.

That by being me and shining my light brightly out into the world, whatever I am doing, is the most important thing for me to do.

Not water myself down.

Not censoring myself.

Not making myself less than the bloody amazing human being that I am.

Not allowing shitty stories and thoughts dictate who I am and how I interact with people.

Being the shiniest version of me I can be.

Do you know what gives you joy or things you can do to help you feel the way you want to feel?

What a fantastic education this life is and in particular 2020.

What a time to be alive.

Always remember.

You truly are magnificent.

Anger and Grief

Many I have spoken to are feeling a combination of anger and grief.

Anger at the injustice of the virus and the changes forced upon us.

Anger at the poor communication and leadership at the head of our country.

Anger at the messages that the economy is more important than human lives.

Anger at some people not being responsible and putting others in danger and the disregard for our fellow human beings.

Anger at the loss of businesses, jobs, salary and wages and security.

So much anger.

Then along comes grief.

Grief around the changes forced upon us.

Grief at the realisation of how much of an illusion we were under.

Grief on being isolated and away from friends and family.

Grief for a loss of routine and the way we were living.

Grief at the loss of our perceived safety and security.

Grief of not knowing what is next.

These type of feeling and emotions are the ones that we usually try really hard not to engage in. 

They are so uncomfortable.

Now we are being forced to slow down and to start listening and processing these emotions.

This is not a bad thing, even though it may feel really terrible at the moment.

We are feeling angry because we feel out of control and frustrated.

We are feeling grief to release what we no longer need.

Whatever you are feeling is ok. It is going to change throughout the day. Allow and accept how you are feeling.

It is in the resistance that we start to suffer.

If you need to cry, cry.

If you need to yell, then yell into a pillow.

If you need to vent, then vent.

If you need to move your body, move your body.

If you need to sit with it, then sit.

We are being asked to self soothe and not many people know how to do this, so start by being kind to yourself.

When you are ready, some self-reflection is a great way to move through the emotions and to gain wisdom.

Anger is an opportunity. Anger means that you are not understanding something.

Look at where and what you are angry about and see if there is an opportunity.

What are you not understanding?

Could you do something like write to your local MP, start a side business that you have been dreaming about for years, reach out and help a neighbour?

Grief needs to be processed by you alone and at your own time.

Some self-reflection questions for this could be

What am I needing or ready to let go of?

What is the lesson here for me?

The quicker we can move to acceptance, the quicker we can end our own suffering and be able to move forward in a calmer and more relaxed manner.

As always remember,

You truly are magnificent.

The base chakra and online sessions

We are living with lots of unknowns at the moment, which has been and is really uncomfortable for many.  

Most people’s base chakra’s are being triggered. The base chakra is situated at the base of the spine, and is related to survival and existence and is connected to our flight/fight response and the adrenal glands.

This is where primal fears are felt.  Fears like death, the dark, unknowns, getting sick, end of the world etc. It is also the base of our power.

At the moment, many are scared and feeling they have no power, which is triggering their flight/fight response.  Those primal fears are being felt collectively.

Most will do anything to not feel uncomfortable at normal times, but the current environment is forcing many to sit in this discomfort. 

This is a positive thing.

I am already hearing of people looking at their current life and work situations, as it is not working for them and making changes to something more aligned to the way they want to live.

Many are waking up and having to address their fears and emotions and challenging their belief systems, because it is literally in their faces.

Many are waking up to what is truly important to them.

Many are working out how to do life differently, often getting back to basics.

Many are having to take responsibility for themselves on all levels of their being, connecting them to the freedom of choice and how they want to live.

Many are waking up to how powerful they are.

For me, I am having to step even more into my power and the way I know I need to be working, slowing down and truly connecting within, reaching out to people in different ways and taking the many opportunities that have already presented to me.

To help with the feeling of being uncomfortable, get outside and ground your energy. This is free and safe, as long as you keep in mind “social-distancing” if at a public park. Sit outside, lay down on the grass, walk without shoes on the earth, and consciously connect to the earth and the sun. 

Don’t forget that Vitamin D is crucial for our immune systems and moods.

The more grounded we are the more balanced our Base chakra becomes.

If you are needing and wanting extra support, I am still seeing 1:1 clients in my clinic and I am now offering zoom sessions for those who are not in a position to see me due to location or isolation.

I am working on new sessions, packages, workshops to help you through these unknown times.

As always,

You truly are Magnificent.

Donella

Self Responsibility and self care in a crisis.

There has been so much anger, rage, grief and fear being released here in Australia due to the bush fires.  I have had many conversations with different people around what they are feeling and what they can do in this time and what it all means. 

Something that we can do and is really important is to take personal responsibility for our self-care and for the energy we are bringing and emitting in each moment. From this place of responsibility we can then take action where we are called.

I have found myself crying many times and being sucked into the fear and rage.

I have been so fucking angry.

I have been so scared for my fellow Australians.

I have been feeling Guilty.

Guilt over where I live and being safe. Guilt over not being able to help more. Guilt that this was happening to good people.

Scrolling through social media and fuelling that pain and discomfort I was feeling and putting that energy out into the collective

It is hard to sit in that discomfort and upset when you are seeing you fellow brothers and sisters in such pain.

But how was this helping?

I am responsible for my heart and my life.

What energy was I putting out into the collective? More fear? More anger?

Me being hysterical and fearful was not helping.

I stopped scrolling and have limited my social media.

 I upped my self-care, and meditated and journaled and took magnesium.

Looking after myself is not being selfish, but essential for my own mental health and what I can do moving forward.

My life, my responsibility.

I ground my energy.

I connected to the earth.

I donated money.

We are in a marathon, not a sprint. People are going to need ongoing support, which means we all have to look after ourselves, so that we can look after those that need it.

Please don’t underestimate how powerful you are and the energy you send out, which only you are responsible for.

You truly are magnificent.

Be Curious

In sessions this week judgement has come up a lot.

I have challenged people, rather than judging something, can they get curious instead.

When we are curious rather than judging, the energy is lighter and we can ask some good quality questions about what is happening.

For example, if you are getting anxious about a social situation you have to attend, start getting curious.  You could ask yourself some questions.

What am I scared of in this situation?

How is my insecurities showing themselves right now?

Where in my body am I feeling anxious?

When else have I felt like this?

What else could it mean?

How can I help myself right now?

Observe your thinking and your thoughts. No doubt the monkey mind will be playing up. 

Get curious.

Is this thought real? (Pstt the answer to this is usually no!)

Is this thought a true reflection of what is actually going on, or am I dragging my past into the present or am I making something into a drama?

Is this thought healthy for me?

Is it adding value or stopping me in my life?

Don’t fight the thoughts, but observe them.

Get curious.

You can say next in your head and choose another thought. You could say an affirmation that is positive.  You may need to move your body to change the energy.

This give you back your power.

So rather than judging something as bad, get curious without the judgement. You might learn something about yourself you didn’t know before.

You truly are magnificent.

The Precious Pause

As we head into what is often a crazy time of year, it is important to remember that we always have a choice in the way we respond. Often when we are being challenged, we are triggered or feeling stressed and overwhelmed, we have this perception of not having any choices and we react from this place of lack.

Our stress means we often become super focused on the problem and reactive to whatever has triggered us.  I often hear from my clients that they hate the feeling of being really reactive and want to know of ways that they can help themselves to become more responsive rather than reactive.

I use a really simple technique when I become triggered and I have taught this technique to many clients.  It is called the precious pause. Here is what you do.

Pause.

Take a deep breath in.

Exhale making an audible sigh.  This lets your nervous system know that it is safe.

Repeat until you feel present in your body. I usually say around 3 times, but you can do as many as you like or feels right.

Simple right?

From this place you can start to observe your body, your reactions, your projections and how you are feeling. By observing your own energy, you can learn what your reactions and triggers are and you can start to retrain yourself to start responding rather than reacting.  This allows you to take back you power.  It also allows you to take a step back and see the different options that are present for you.

It is important to remember too, that you are human and sometimes even the most Zen of people will react in a way that they don’t like. 

Forgive yourself. 

It is not like a switch that you can switch on and you become a monk that always knows how to respond in any given moment. (Oh and by the way even the Dali Lama gets angry and reacts, so be kind to yourself) It really is a journey, and each moment you can learn something new.  

We often feel obliged this time of year to perhaps do things that we don’t really want to do or hang out with people who are really not very nice. If you don’t want to do something, then please say No.

No is a complete sentence. 

No explanation necessary.

As always, remember,

You truly are magnificent.

Trust

Trust has been a theme in clinic over the last few weeks and we have had lots of discussions around what trust means and feels like.

I have often heard from clients that they have trust issues and it is something that I used to say too. 

Trust is something that needs to be built.

This is why when it is broken it can be so devastating. It takes time.

Trust is something that we feel and build within.

I heard a great analogy of trust used recently. You wouldn’t step out onto a bridge that is made of a twig. You can tell by looking at it that it will not hold you.  So you build that bridge up with larger logs and maybe some planks of wood or other materials to make it strong, until you look at it and it feels right. You then step up and you make the first step, testing it first, then adding more pressure until you can step fully onto it. You build trust in the bridge until you don’t even have to think about it, you know it feels right.

If you had stepped out onto that twig in the first place, even though your intuition was saying no, and you feel off and hurt yourself, how can you say that you have trust issues?

And yet this is what so many of us do.

Most of our trust issues are actually our lack of trust of ourselves. This then flows onto lacking trust in our relationships and the universe.

We can build trust within.

Do you check in to your own wisdom or do you go externally for your answers?

Even when other people are saying that you should be doing something that would be good for you, if you know in your gut and in your heart that it is not for you, then walk away, say No and own your decision.

You don’t need to know why, you only have to trust it.

You do not have to justify yourself and your decisions.

It is no one else’s business but your own.

I have listened to other people in the past, rather than my own intuition. I defaulted to their advice rather than listening to my own intuition, because they know better, right?

Or I didn’t listen to my intuition, because my logical brain was saying this is a great opportunity and other people are doing it, so it must be good for me too. 

I followed my logic, which is often linked to my fear programs instead of my intuition. 

It didn’t end well. 

I then got angry for not trusting myself and backing those feelings.

What a great lesson to have though!

Now that I know better, I honour my intuition and follow it.  I challenge my fear and insecurities and don’t let them dictate my decisions, or hide behind logic.  I have built trust within myself, so that now I know that I can trust the universe and those around me, because my intuition is going to let me know when something is wrong and I will follow it.

I trust myself and I trust the universe completely.

It is OK to go against others opinions. It is OK to do things your way, even when nobody else understands it.

You may not even understand it at the time, and that it ok too!

It is a must to trust those feelings, as that is how trust is built.

It is your life and you get to choose how you live it.

Is it time to trust yourself? 

You are truly magnificent.

Changes and the EGO

When we make any changes we are going into uncharted territory.

For some this shift will mean a feeling of relief and excitement.  For others, this will mean an increase in anxiety. 

Your fear response kicks in and you start to question if making a change is such a good idea.

Why the different responses?

We are unique so your response is also going to be unique, but generally if someone has had a negative response then the EGO has come into play. 

Our EGO’s are amazing with the crap that they can come up with to keep you safe.

Your dysfunction, even though it may be terrible, can be like an old friend.

You know it so well.

Your EGO can keep you safe in that space even if you are miserable.

When you consciously decide to make some changes, the EGO doesn’t always like it, because it has been the boss for a long time and will do anything to not feel discomfort that the changes you consciously choose to make could bring.

Your EGO doesn’t know what will happen next and that scares it.

Here is the thing.

Anything new will cause a nervous or anxious response in the body.

This is normal!

This response helps us to be present, aware and ready to take action.  

Your body does not know the difference between anxiety and excitement.  It is the conscious mind that gives the label of negative or positive to the subconscious mind.

This means that if you are making changes or doing something new you can choose to be excited about it.

You can make the change easier for you by connecting to your why. 

Why are you making these changes? 

How are they going to benefit you in the long run? 

This will also help the EGO feel safe, as it then has a point of reference rather than looking into the scary abyss of not knowing.

You can always tell if you are sitting in your EGO or not by how it feels. EGO constricts, controls, feels like you are being pushed and is coming from a place of fear.  Not in EGO or being in the love state is expansive, flows, and feels like you are being pulled along and you are coming from a place of love.

Change is a constant in your life, and the less you resist it, the easier it is for you.

If you need support in making changes in your life, or needing clarity hit the book now button to book in a session.   

Always remember.

You truly are magnificent.