Bypassing our Negativity

Many years ago I met a women who was proud that she was a really positive person. It was one of the very first things she said to me. She wore it like a badge of honour and looked down on people who were negative and believed that by not acknowledging the negative that it did not exist.  

The funny thing is though, she didn’t really act like she was happy, nor positive other than the words she spoke.  Being sensitive, I could feel her energy and she was not radiating joy and happiness. In fact her energy wasn’t positive at all.  

I got talking to her and she shared that her father had recently passed away.  I asked her how she was. At first she started sprouting all the cliché positive stuff when someone passes.  I touched her on the shoulder and I made a comment that yes, even though those sentiments are all true, it is still sad when someone you love passes on and the human part of us feels really sad when that happens and it is ok to feel that grief.

She broke down.

She hadn’t allowed herself to grieve, because of this positive bullshit belief she had going on. She used positivity as a shield, a brick wall, as she thought that she couldn’t get hurt and she wouldn’t have to feel.

When we don’t allow ourselves to feel any negative emotions, we call it bypassing.

This is not a healthy response for many reasons. 

When crappy things happen, if we don’t allow ourselves to feel what we are feeling and rather stuff the emotions down (often using things like food, drugs, alcohol, sex, excessive exercise etc) we suppress the emotions. This does not mean that those emotions do not exist.  The body and unconscious are storing these emotions, until a time when you are either ready to deal with them, or you are forced to deal with them. Something happens that all those suppressed emotions come up.  Often this something is totally unrelated and can be quite minor or it can be a big thing that seems even bigger because of the underlying issues.

Everybody suppresses emotions.

Many are supressing because they don’t want to feel.

We spend so much time and energy trying to not feel.

We are terrified of our emotions, because we may feel out of control, they often feel so big and overwhelming and many have not been encourage to express their emotions as children, so they have no idea how to feel them as adults.

When we do not want to feel the negative, we also don’t feel the positives as deeply either.

We can become numb and life losses its colour.

Here is the thing. 

The quicker you feel it, the quicker it moves through you and dissipates and you can move on.

When you feel it and it moves through you, you do not store it negatively in your body, as it has already been expressed.

We need to stop judging our emotions and start seeing them as a guidance system and start to allow ourselves to feel them.

Now I am not suggesting that you have a pity party and wallow around in your negative crap and wear that shit like a jacket of negativity. That is far from helpful. It is ok to feel the emotion, without judgement, let it move through your body and then you are able to move into higher states of being this way. 

The only way is through. 

Our emotions are beautiful.

Our emotions are powerful.

Our emotions allow us to shift our consciousness.

We are emotional beings and our emotions are a gift. 

If you need help with your emotional intelligence or baggage, book a session and lets start getting you back to centre and in your power.

You truly are magnificent.

Lessons learnt behind closed doors.

Before the hard lockdown, in between the lockdowns, here in Melbourne, I had a kinesiology session. I always walk my talk and I had some stuff come up around friendships and my feelings around that.  During this session I had to look at some beliefs around living my life and what that means to me, who I want in it, how I want to be treated, what I want to do etc.  

It came up during the session that for me, I was more afraid of not being able to live my life on my terms then death.

So the loom of a hard lockdown did not go down well.

It literally felt like dying.

This session helped so much, both in how I managed lockdown and clarity around what freedom meant to me and my life.

One of the things I identified and actioned to help me move forward was how I wanted to feel each day. By tuning into my inner guidance, asking myself the question and doing what my inner wisdom told me to do, I took back my power. I was fully responsible for what my day looked and felt like, what I was being, and doing. It felt so much better than being a victim to outside circumstances.

You see I get to decide how I want to feel each day, so How did I want to go about me day.   

Freedom comes from within me, and not be any government or media outlet.

Most days it was to bring joy, to feel light and free and allow the sunshine or the light in each day.

I asked my inner guidance how I could bring in the joy each day.

What did that look like?

It varied each day and sometimes moment to moment. Here are some of the things that I did and have continued to do.

Reading a book on my front step in the sunshine and seeing and connecting with people walking past.

A coffee purchased from a local coffee shop made by lovely people.

Certain foods for lunch.

Doing a jigsaw puzzle.

Knitting a few squares of my scrapping blanket.

Ringing or catching up with friends on zoom.

Colouring in.

Listening to something on Youtube, playing my favourite music or song or watching a movie.

Going for a walk.

Journaling.

Meditating.

Having a bath.

It was surprising how simple some of those things were that gave me so much joy.

One of the best lessons I have learnt coming out the other end of lockdown is that identifying how my attitude and perspective around everything is where my power lies. I can choose in any given moment, how I want to feel, what something means to me and changing my view on that thing if I need or choose to. It means allowing myself to be in my power to be me fully and unapologetically. I can make something mean something or nothing.

It felt so freeing.

That by being me and shining my light brightly out into the world, whatever I am doing, is the most important thing for me to do.

Not water myself down.

Not censoring myself.

Not making myself less than the bloody amazing human being that I am.

Not allowing shitty stories and thoughts dictate who I am and how I interact with people.

Being the shiniest version of me I can be.

Do you know what gives you joy or things you can do to help you feel the way you want to feel?

What a fantastic education this life is and in particular 2020.

What a time to be alive.

Always remember.

You truly are magnificent.

The Inner Critic

Years ago I was in New Zealand, at a place called Lake Taupo. I decided to go bungee jumping. I was all strapped up in the harness and was standing on the platform ready to jump.

Leading up to this moment my inner critic had been screaming at me to not do it. It was saying lots of crap things, like you are too big for this, people will know how big you truly are and be disgusted by you, people are going to laugh at you and make fun of you, what will people say!, you have too many old sporting injuries, only athletic people do crazy shit like this and blah blah blah.

It was awful.

The things is though, underneath all the bullshit, I knew it was right and safe for me to do it.

I knew it was something I had to do.

I was at the precipice.

There was this moment before I jumped, that looking back I realised I could have chosen to jump or back out. Both would have taken the same amount of energy. That’s right in that moment, both options would have taken the exact same effort.

To walk away would have been an effort and required energy.

To jump would have taken effort and required energy.

Then I decided and everything was clear.

No thoughts.

I jumped.

It was an amazing feeling, free falling and seeing everything. It helped it was a beautiful location.

It was a truly awesome feeling and such a natural high, that I felt all that day.

If I had chosen to listen to my inner critic and backed away and went back to the car, that would have been ok, but I would have missed out on a really awesome experience, that nothing I have done in my life before or since has felt like.

The crappy things my inner critic was saying was not a good enough reason for not jumping.

I had researched the safety of Bungee jumping and the company. It was in NZ where the safety standards are high. I knew that it was safe for me, but I also knew the risks and was willing to give it a go. All the other things it was saying was part of my own insecurities being used against me, but they were all irrelevant.

I didn’t care what anyone else thought of me, as jumping was more important to me. Nobody knew me and in a few days’ time I was getting on a plane back to Melbourne.

But here is the thing.

Everyone was so nice and supportive. They were excited for me to be doing it. They loved that I was brave enough to do it! If they were judging me, I never felt it. It was something that I could not control anyway nor was there judgement about me any of my business.

I showed up.

I jumped and it was amazing!

I’m glad I did not let that voice win and be the boss. I have used that experience since to remind myself how brave I am and i can do anything that I choose to do.

Is it time that you challenged your inner Critic?

Always remember

You truly are magnificent.

You are immensely valuable.

I have been seeing a lot of people posting about using this physical distancing time on self-development, bettering themselves and using the time wisely.

Essentially replacing our previous busyiness into a new busyiness,

There has been a belief that busy and doing equated to being valuable. Now that we are not as busy and our lives have slowed down, the external markers of validation are simpler not there.

So to prove our worth, to be valuable, we must improve ourselves right?

The thing is that at the moment our nervous system and flight/fight response maybe doing weird things.

We may be struggling with concentration, have trouble sleeping, got no motivation and or feeling fearful.

There is 2 markers that have an impact in traumatic experiences

  1. The feeling of not being able to escape.
  2. Not being able to work out or make sense of something.

Both of those are currently happening in most people lives.

We are learning how to BE versus how to DO.

We are being invited to break the belief of needing external validation and learning to value and embrace our being.

If you are loving self-development, have high motivation, have creative ideas and being innovative, fantastic! Keep on going.

If you aren’t or know someone who isn’t, please be kind.  Don’t feel ashamed or bad that you are not feeling it. Sitting and watching TV or reading a book is also valuable.

You are immensely valuable.

You truly are magnificent.

Anger and Grief

Many I have spoken to are feeling a combination of anger and grief.

Anger at the injustice of the virus and the changes forced upon us.

Anger at the poor communication and leadership at the head of our country.

Anger at the messages that the economy is more important than human lives.

Anger at some people not being responsible and putting others in danger and the disregard for our fellow human beings.

Anger at the loss of businesses, jobs, salary and wages and security.

So much anger.

Then along comes grief.

Grief around the changes forced upon us.

Grief at the realisation of how much of an illusion we were under.

Grief on being isolated and away from friends and family.

Grief for a loss of routine and the way we were living.

Grief at the loss of our perceived safety and security.

Grief of not knowing what is next.

These type of feeling and emotions are the ones that we usually try really hard not to engage in. 

They are so uncomfortable.

Now we are being forced to slow down and to start listening and processing these emotions.

This is not a bad thing, even though it may feel really terrible at the moment.

We are feeling angry because we feel out of control and frustrated.

We are feeling grief to release what we no longer need.

Whatever you are feeling is ok. It is going to change throughout the day. Allow and accept how you are feeling.

It is in the resistance that we start to suffer.

If you need to cry, cry.

If you need to yell, then yell into a pillow.

If you need to vent, then vent.

If you need to move your body, move your body.

If you need to sit with it, then sit.

We are being asked to self soothe and not many people know how to do this, so start by being kind to yourself.

When you are ready, some self-reflection is a great way to move through the emotions and to gain wisdom.

Anger is an opportunity. Anger means that you are not understanding something.

Look at where and what you are angry about and see if there is an opportunity.

What are you not understanding?

Could you do something like write to your local MP, start a side business that you have been dreaming about for years, reach out and help a neighbour?

Grief needs to be processed by you alone and at your own time.

Some self-reflection questions for this could be

What am I needing or ready to let go of?

What is the lesson here for me?

The quicker we can move to acceptance, the quicker we can end our own suffering and be able to move forward in a calmer and more relaxed manner.

As always remember,

You truly are magnificent.

The base chakra and online sessions

We are living with lots of unknowns at the moment, which has been and is really uncomfortable for many.  

Most people’s base chakra’s are being triggered. The base chakra is situated at the base of the spine, and is related to survival and existence and is connected to our flight/fight response and the adrenal glands.

This is where primal fears are felt.  Fears like death, the dark, unknowns, getting sick, end of the world etc. It is also the base of our power.

At the moment, many are scared and feeling they have no power, which is triggering their flight/fight response.  Those primal fears are being felt collectively.

Most will do anything to not feel uncomfortable at normal times, but the current environment is forcing many to sit in this discomfort. 

This is a positive thing.

I am already hearing of people looking at their current life and work situations, as it is not working for them and making changes to something more aligned to the way they want to live.

Many are waking up and having to address their fears and emotions and challenging their belief systems, because it is literally in their faces.

Many are waking up to what is truly important to them.

Many are working out how to do life differently, often getting back to basics.

Many are having to take responsibility for themselves on all levels of their being, connecting them to the freedom of choice and how they want to live.

Many are waking up to how powerful they are.

For me, I am having to step even more into my power and the way I know I need to be working, slowing down and truly connecting within, reaching out to people in different ways and taking the many opportunities that have already presented to me.

To help with the feeling of being uncomfortable, get outside and ground your energy. This is free and safe, as long as you keep in mind “social-distancing” if at a public park. Sit outside, lay down on the grass, walk without shoes on the earth, and consciously connect to the earth and the sun. 

Don’t forget that Vitamin D is crucial for our immune systems and moods.

The more grounded we are the more balanced our Base chakra becomes.

If you are needing and wanting extra support, I am still seeing 1:1 clients in my clinic and I am now offering zoom sessions for those who are not in a position to see me due to location or isolation.

I am working on new sessions, packages, workshops to help you through these unknown times.

As always,

You truly are Magnificent.

Donella

Self Responsibility and self care in a crisis.

There has been so much anger, rage, grief and fear being released here in Australia due to the bush fires.  I have had many conversations with different people around what they are feeling and what they can do in this time and what it all means. 

Something that we can do and is really important is to take personal responsibility for our self-care and for the energy we are bringing and emitting in each moment. From this place of responsibility we can then take action where we are called.

I have found myself crying many times and being sucked into the fear and rage.

I have been so fucking angry.

I have been so scared for my fellow Australians.

I have been feeling Guilty.

Guilt over where I live and being safe. Guilt over not being able to help more. Guilt that this was happening to good people.

Scrolling through social media and fuelling that pain and discomfort I was feeling and putting that energy out into the collective

It is hard to sit in that discomfort and upset when you are seeing you fellow brothers and sisters in such pain.

But how was this helping?

I am responsible for my heart and my life.

What energy was I putting out into the collective? More fear? More anger?

Me being hysterical and fearful was not helping.

I stopped scrolling and have limited my social media.

 I upped my self-care, and meditated and journaled and took magnesium.

Looking after myself is not being selfish, but essential for my own mental health and what I can do moving forward.

My life, my responsibility.

I ground my energy.

I connected to the earth.

I donated money.

We are in a marathon, not a sprint. People are going to need ongoing support, which means we all have to look after ourselves, so that we can look after those that need it.

Please don’t underestimate how powerful you are and the energy you send out, which only you are responsible for.

You truly are magnificent.

Be Curious

In sessions this week judgement has come up a lot.

I have challenged people, rather than judging something, can they get curious instead.

When we are curious rather than judging, the energy is lighter and we can ask some good quality questions about what is happening.

For example, if you are getting anxious about a social situation you have to attend, start getting curious.  You could ask yourself some questions.

What am I scared of in this situation?

How is my insecurities showing themselves right now?

Where in my body am I feeling anxious?

When else have I felt like this?

What else could it mean?

How can I help myself right now?

Observe your thinking and your thoughts. No doubt the monkey mind will be playing up. 

Get curious.

Is this thought real? (Pstt the answer to this is usually no!)

Is this thought a true reflection of what is actually going on, or am I dragging my past into the present or am I making something into a drama?

Is this thought healthy for me?

Is it adding value or stopping me in my life?

Don’t fight the thoughts, but observe them.

Get curious.

You can say next in your head and choose another thought. You could say an affirmation that is positive.  You may need to move your body to change the energy.

This give you back your power.

So rather than judging something as bad, get curious without the judgement. You might learn something about yourself you didn’t know before.

You truly are magnificent.

The Precious Pause

As we head into what is often a crazy time of year, it is important to remember that we always have a choice in the way we respond. Often when we are being challenged, we are triggered or feeling stressed and overwhelmed, we have this perception of not having any choices and we react from this place of lack.

Our stress means we often become super focused on the problem and reactive to whatever has triggered us.  I often hear from my clients that they hate the feeling of being really reactive and want to know of ways that they can help themselves to become more responsive rather than reactive.

I use a really simple technique when I become triggered and I have taught this technique to many clients.  It is called the precious pause. Here is what you do.

Pause.

Take a deep breath in.

Exhale making an audible sigh.  This lets your nervous system know that it is safe.

Repeat until you feel present in your body. I usually say around 3 times, but you can do as many as you like or feels right.

Simple right?

From this place you can start to observe your body, your reactions, your projections and how you are feeling. By observing your own energy, you can learn what your reactions and triggers are and you can start to retrain yourself to start responding rather than reacting.  This allows you to take back you power.  It also allows you to take a step back and see the different options that are present for you.

It is important to remember too, that you are human and sometimes even the most Zen of people will react in a way that they don’t like. 

Forgive yourself. 

It is not like a switch that you can switch on and you become a monk that always knows how to respond in any given moment. (Oh and by the way even the Dali Lama gets angry and reacts, so be kind to yourself) It really is a journey, and each moment you can learn something new.  

We often feel obliged this time of year to perhaps do things that we don’t really want to do or hang out with people who are really not very nice. If you don’t want to do something, then please say No.

No is a complete sentence. 

No explanation necessary.

As always, remember,

You truly are magnificent.

Trust

Trust has been a theme in clinic over the last few weeks and we have had lots of discussions around what trust means and feels like.

I have often heard from clients that they have trust issues and it is something that I used to say too. 

Trust is something that needs to be built.

This is why when it is broken it can be so devastating. It takes time.

Trust is something that we feel and build within.

I heard a great analogy of trust used recently. You wouldn’t step out onto a bridge that is made of a twig. You can tell by looking at it that it will not hold you.  So you build that bridge up with larger logs and maybe some planks of wood or other materials to make it strong, until you look at it and it feels right. You then step up and you make the first step, testing it first, then adding more pressure until you can step fully onto it. You build trust in the bridge until you don’t even have to think about it, you know it feels right.

If you had stepped out onto that twig in the first place, even though your intuition was saying no, and you feel off and hurt yourself, how can you say that you have trust issues?

And yet this is what so many of us do.

Most of our trust issues are actually our lack of trust of ourselves. This then flows onto lacking trust in our relationships and the universe.

We can build trust within.

Do you check in to your own wisdom or do you go externally for your answers?

Even when other people are saying that you should be doing something that would be good for you, if you know in your gut and in your heart that it is not for you, then walk away, say No and own your decision.

You don’t need to know why, you only have to trust it.

You do not have to justify yourself and your decisions.

It is no one else’s business but your own.

I have listened to other people in the past, rather than my own intuition. I defaulted to their advice rather than listening to my own intuition, because they know better, right?

Or I didn’t listen to my intuition, because my logical brain was saying this is a great opportunity and other people are doing it, so it must be good for me too. 

I followed my logic, which is often linked to my fear programs instead of my intuition. 

It didn’t end well. 

I then got angry for not trusting myself and backing those feelings.

What a great lesson to have though!

Now that I know better, I honour my intuition and follow it.  I challenge my fear and insecurities and don’t let them dictate my decisions, or hide behind logic.  I have built trust within myself, so that now I know that I can trust the universe and those around me, because my intuition is going to let me know when something is wrong and I will follow it.

I trust myself and I trust the universe completely.

It is OK to go against others opinions. It is OK to do things your way, even when nobody else understands it.

You may not even understand it at the time, and that it ok too!

It is a must to trust those feelings, as that is how trust is built.

It is your life and you get to choose how you live it.

Is it time to trust yourself? 

You are truly magnificent.